


Kvell

by locusdesperatus



Series: Kalmia [2]
Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Domestic Fluff, Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Off Screen Limb Loss, Off Screen Medical Experimentation, Panic Attacks, Post-Resident Evil: Vendetta, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:47:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24262315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/locusdesperatus/pseuds/locusdesperatus
Summary: Chris comes to Leon with evidence that Toby's body was being stored in Arias' lab. They're wholly unprepared for what they find.This will make much more sense if you read the first part!
Relationships: Leon S. Kennedy/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Kalmia [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746616
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	1. Weltschmerz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weltschmerz- melancholy, world-weariness

The whir of chopper blades could only be deadened so much by walls and insulation. Even with earmuffs on, it was a steady _whop whop whop_ that you could feel in your chest. As they spun faster, it escalated into a steady hum, followed by the drop in your stomach as the bird took off. Leon wasn't sure if he'd ever be used to takeoff.

"We'll be back in New York in an hour, I hope you're ready to see the aftermath." Chris said, coming to sit down beside him.

"If it means finding some answers, then it's worth it." Leon reached up, absentmindedly fiddling with one of his ear piercings. He'd gotten them done a few months after Toby had passed, and when they'd healed, he'd taken a liking to wearing his late partner's silver hoops. The little bit of extra flair had felt silly at first, but now he was attached to the sentimental value behind it.

"I read the file that the DSO sent me." Chris looked down at the floor of the helicopter. "I'm sorry, Leon. He seemed like a good guy."

"He was."

"I wish I didn't have to dredge up bad memories like this, but they said you'd want to know, and-"

"Chris." Leon interrupted. "I- before we go in there, I need to tell you some things about Toby and I. About what happened. Whatever was in that file they gave you was a lie."

"What?" Chris leaned forward. "What are you saying?"

"I didn't get infected from my mission in the Eastern Slav Republic. I was infected here, in the US." Leon rubbed his face. "Derek Simmons, the security advisor, blackmailed Toby into getting close to me and poisoning me with microdoses of the K-Virus, a special type of plaga that The Family had been developing from whatever scraps they cleaned up from the Los Illuminados incident. It had two strains, the V-strain and the N-strain, which contained traits of different monsters I fought in Spain. I was infected with the N-strain, and Toby was infected with the V-strain. He tried to save me by using his control of my plaga to slow its growth, but Simmons found out and stopped him. After that, he kidnapped both of us and took us to a facility out near the coast."

"What the hell. Why is none of this in the file, why wasn't it reported?"

"I tried." Leon sighed. "After Simmons started training me to control the mutations from the virus, I managed to escape. Toby found me, and brought me a vaccine that would stop Simmons' control of my body long enough that I could get to safety. He, uh…" Leon rubbed his face again. "He was already permanently mutated, and I had to kill him. I- I sunk my claws into his chest and severed his spinal cord. He bled out in my arms."

"Shit." Chris breathed.

"He left me a note, a signed confession, basically. Even with that, Simmons had too much protection, I couldn't do anything. The DSO was more interested in protecting their image than having the right version of the story. That's part of why he wanted to kill me so badly when we were in China."

"I'm so sorry, Leon." Chris shook his head. "That's horrible. The version that I got is that he went AWOL while out in the field. What a bunch of bullshit."

"I've never really forgiven them."

"I don't blame you."

The plane ride was tense after that, as if Chris wanted to say more, to try and make it better, but didn't know what words would help. Leon kept trying to breathe through the fiery dread in his stomach. He was terrified of what they were going to find in Arias' lab. Whether or not it turned out to actually be Toby, it was going to hurt. He was already thinking about a bottle of Jack and the darkness of his room. Tonight, he would need a lot of help getting to sleep.

They landed on the helipad without incident, and when they stepped out, they exchanged a knowing glance. The rooftop looked unchanged from when they had left it less than a day ago, strewn with blood, bullet casings, glass, and biomatter. Leon stepped gingerly around a hunk of flesh, following Chris to the elevators. A scientist greeted them, explaining that they'd found a tank on one of the lower levels that responded to their equipment by giving them Toby's information.

"Is it… is it him?" Chris asked.

"We're not sure, sir." She said, pushing the button for floor B3. "There _is_ a body of some sort inside the tank. We did an ultrasound on it to get some preliminary data, but we don't know much more than that. The DSO ordered that Agent Kennedy be present when we opened it due to the nature of Agent Cardoso's disappearance."

Leon stiffened up when the scientist said the word "disappearance". He crossed his arms to hide how badly his hands were shaking.

"How long will it take to open?" He asked.

"Only a few minutes. It's hooked up to a cryogenic system, which has been remarkably easy to understand. We began defrosting it when we heard you were en route."

"Great." Leon rubbed his face, trying to hide behind his bangs. The elevator dinged when it opened, and the scientist practically bounced down the hall.

"Listen," Chris grabbed Leon's arm. "If you want, I'll go in first and… and make sure it's not something you wouldn't want to see."

"What do you mean?"

"If Arias did something to Toby, I don't want this to ruin your memories of him. It's… it's like the zombies, you know? You'd much rather remember them as they were before the infection."

"Yeah." Leon nodded, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. "I know what you mean. Thank you." He could tell that Chris was surprised, and probably hadn't expected him to agree, but he was terrified of seeing the aftermath of whatever experiments Arias had undoubtedly been running.

"Okay." Chris slapped his shoulder gently. "I'll be right back." He stepped into the room, nearly floored by the elaborate set up. It was a full surgery suite, flanked by a system of tubes and motors that centered around a large, metal canister. A group of scientists were taking measurements, one typing away at a computer set up.

"Will Agent Kennedy be joining us?" The scientist asked.

"This is sort of personal to him, he asked me to take a look first to make sure he wouldn't lose his lunch." Chris explained.

"Understood, Captain." The scientist nodded grimly. "I'll make an exception to protocol just this once."

"Thank you." Chris gave her a nod. He took a few steps closer, watching the team clear out of the way. They hit some buttons on the tank, and it hissed, gaseous ice spilling out of the seams. The lid popped up, waiting patiently as one of the scientists went over to open it. Chris held his breath as the last of the ice cleared away, convinced that this was something out of a bad sci-fi movie. Inside the tank sat a body, a perfect match for the photo in Toby's file. He was naked and strapped down to a plastic table inside the cryopod. Chris' eyes were stuck on his limbs, cut off at the elbow and just below the hip. The empty space where flesh and bone should have been was daunting.

"Oh." One of the scientists said, at about the same time that Chris' brain became coherent again. "Is that… normal?"

"Uh-" Chris turned on his heel, heading out of the room. "So, uh, Leon, did-"

"Is he…?"

"He's- he's in there, but, uh, was Toby… disabled?" He tried to step carefully, but from the look on Leon's face, he might as well have told him everything.  
"Wait, wait, Leon, no-" Chris tried to stop him, but Leon ducked around his flailing arms, entering the lab. He came over to the cryopod, mercifully heeding the scientists' warning not to touch.

"When-" Leon wiped at his face, too stubborn to acknowledge the tears. "When he mutated, his arm and leg turned into chitin, like a verdugo. That must be why they're missing. There wasn't anything human to save."

"Those mutated limbs would've held most of the viral cells." One of the scientists piped up. "Undoubtedly, the removal of the infected limbs was necessary to keep the host alive… Er, to keep him alive. I'm sorry, sir."

Leon didn't respond.

"But that's him? You're sure that's Toby?" Chris asked. Leon nodded, trailing his eyes over the tattoo of a sparrow on Toby's hip.

"Is he… alive?" He asked quietly.

"Readout shows no vital signs." The scientist at the computer said. "But there is a push IV in his arm. Looks like a high dose of muscle relaxers."

"Muscle relaxers?" Chris frowned. "To combat rigor mortis?"

"I don't think so. I'm gonna pull it and see what happens. Whatever it is, it'll be quick, so everyone stand back."

Leon obeyed, stepping away. He felt Chris grab his shoulder, as if steadying him.

"Chris." He said. "There should be… gaping holes in his chest, but there's nothing there, almost like-"

"Shit!" The scientist exclaimed. Toby's corpse reared, bucking against the restraints. He snarled viciously, sharp teeth snapping at anyone who came too close.

"Toby!" Leon lunged forward, stopped by arms around his shoulders. He tumbled to the floor, Chris' weight coming with him as he squirmed and fought.

"Leon, no!" Chris hissed. "Come on, let them do their thing." He groaned as Leon tried to escape again, throwing sharp elbows around as weapons.

"We're giving him the A-virus cure." One of the scientists said. "It'll take a few minutes, but he should be… normal again."

"Why are you so- hg!" Chris bear hugged Leon, crushing him against his chest. "-slippery!"

"Let me go to him, please." Leon begged.

"Not until the virus is out of his system." Chris said. "Come on, get up. Stay back until it works, then you can go." He stood them up, relieved when Leon stayed close. He was trembling, blue eyes darting between the heart rate monitor and Toby's face.

"Woah!" One of the scientists called out suddenly. "I'm getting a pulse. He's alive!"

"What?" The guy at the computer said. "That's impossible."

"See for yourself."

Chris looked up at the heart rate monitor, his jaw dropping when he saw the EKG line bounce and wiggle. Leon appeared too awestruck to move, his eyes wide.

"He's… alive?" He repeated dumbly. Chris suddenly got a bad feeling in his chest. He reached for Leon's coat, grabbing a fistful of the leather just as a loud noise sounded from the computer system.

"He's going into shock!"

"No-" Leon surged forward, barely registering that Chris was holding him back with both arms around his waist. "No!"

"Come on! Get that crash cart over here!" The scientists were chattering, fussing over Toby's body. Chris looked on in horror, unsure of what he was watching. It was too much like playing god for his tastes. Suddenly, the flailing intensified, and one of the scientists backed up.

"No!" A new voice broke through the clamor.

"He's waking up!"

"Chris, let me go!" Leon demanded, struggling harder. He tried to pry Chris' hands away from his waist, his boots squeaking on the tile floors.

"Leon!" Toby screamed out, flailing against the metal bonds still holding him down. Chris cursed loudly, physically lifting Leon into the air. Later, after this was all said and done, he would compare carrying the yelling and struggling agent to trying to bathe a cat.

"No! Chris, put me down! Chris!" Leon kicked out frantically, desperate to run to Toby's side. He continued to protest as Chris carried him out of the room. He was set down in front of a bench, and shoved until he sat down heavily. His breathing was erratic, on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Leon, calm down." Chris said, grabbing onto leather-clad shoulders. "It's okay, those scientists know what they're doing, they'll do everything they can, you have to trust that."

"I know. I know." Leon wheezed out, leaning forward to put his head between his knees. Chris rubbed his back awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "I just-" Leon shuddered. "What the _hell_ did they do to him, Chris?"

"I don't know." Chris sighed. "Wait here, I'll go see if I can get any information, okay? Just promise me that you'll stay here."

"I promise."

Chris patted Leon's back once more before heading back into the lab. Things were quiet, and he nervously approached the scientists. Two of them were tending to Toby, who was limp against the table.

"Captain Redfield." The lady who had escorted him down from the helipad approached him. "He's stable for now, but he has massive internal damage. He needs to be airlifted to a hospital."

"Of course. Take our helicopter. We'll follow you." He hesitated, looking at Toby once more. "Listen, if you have to throw my name around to get clearance, do it."

"Understood." She nodded. "Alright, let's get him mobile."

Chris didn't stick around to watch, heading back out to Leon. The agent was still curled in a ball, hands buried in his hair.

"Hey, they said he's stable for now."

"Can I see him?" Leon asked.

"No, they need to airlift him to the hospital. We'll follow them there. They said he has a lot of internal damage."

"Because of me."

"Don't do that." Chris said. "He needs you right now. Come on, I'm driving." He pulled Leon to his feet, steering him back towards the elevator. Before they made it, some of the scientists rushed past them, wheeling Toby on a gurney. Leon froze up, his eyes glued to the IVs and tubes that populated pale skin.

"Oh god." He whispered. Chris yanked him away, pulling him to the elevator. Inside, Leon leaned up against the wall, pressing his forehead to the cool metal. "Chris, tell me that he's gonna make it."

"Leon, I can't-"

"Tell me he's gonna make it."

"...He's gonna make it." Chris sighed. "But he's going to need you. You have to be there for him. He might… he might not be the same, you know?"

"I know." Leon wiped his face again. "It's been seven years, Chris. I never thought I'd see him again, but now he's _here_ and he's _alive_." His lower lip trembled viciously.

"Yeah, he is." Chris rubbed the back of his neck. "I know you missed him." Mercifully, they made it to the ground floor, and he was spared from putting his foot in his mouth.

"Yeah." Leon agreed. He went quiet as they found transportation, and stayed quiet for the drive to the hospital. Chris glanced over at him, worried.

"I'll stay with you until there's some news." He said. Leon didn't respond, other than a gentle nod. His hands were still shaking, and he kept wiping his palms on his pants, even as they checked in. He barely managed to get his ID out to show the nurse at the reception desk. Thankfully, they were directed to an empty room, and Chris managed to get him to sit down.

"Look," he said. "I'm gonna get you some food, and you're gonna eat it, and then you're gonna sleep. I'll wake you up if there's some news. You need to be in better condition than this when Toby wakes up. You know you do."

"Yeah. Yeah." Leon nodded. He rubbed his face, taking a deep breath. "Okay, I'll calm down. You're right."

"Good. Sit tight." Chris left the room, tracking down the hospital's cafeteria. He swore he hadn't been gone for more than 20 minutes, but by the time he was back, Leon had fallen asleep, curled into a ball. With a sigh, he grabbed an extra blanket, tossing it over the agent's legs.

"Sleep well, Agent Kennedy."


	2. Kopfkino

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kopfkino- "head cinema", daydreaming

For a long time, things were quiet. 

After several hours in surgery, Toby had been put into a coma in order to give his body a chance to heal. He was motionless on the hospital bed, with tubes and drains coating his skin. Over the course of several days, he was poked and prodded, given innumerable medications, and intubated. The doctors had warned of all sorts of complications- brain damage, nerve damage, muscle atrophy, heart failure, anything and everything. The trauma of losing two limbs and having his spinal cord rebuilt would almost definitely leave a lasting impact on Toby, they just weren't sure how it would manifest.  
Leon stayed by his side, refusing to leave. He was determined to be there when Toby woke up, hoping against all hope that things would work out. He couldn't help but feel like he'd been given a second chance, and he wasn't going to let it slip away. He spent a lot of time holding Toby's hand, reluctant to let go. After seven years, he'd forgotten what it felt like to skate his fingers over warm skin, basking in the implicit trust between them. The fact that Toby had called out for him- had cried for Leon in his time of need- was special. It meant more than all the I love you's they'd whispered in their short courtship. Leon could feel himself falling in love all over again, and Toby wasn't even awake to woo him. 

"It's unfair." He whispered, his voice breaking the stillness of the room. "My heart never stood a chance against you." 

Steady breathing was the only response he got. Leon stood up, leaning over the bed so he could kiss Toby's forehead. He swept brown hair behind his lover's ears, preening over him as much as he dared. Over the years, Toby's skin had lost it's warm brown tint, becoming more pale and gaunt. He obviously hadn't gotten enough vitamin D, and the A-virus infection hadn't helped. The freezing process had maintained his muscle mass, but being "dead" for so long was sure to have some ill effects.   
Thankfully, Toby's missing limbs were actually the least of his worries. The doctors had been surprised by the work done on the amputations, saying that the skin was well-maintained, and everything looked to be done properly. Both the arm and leg were approved for prosthetics, and the specialist had come in and taken molds of both residual limbs. Ultimately, Toby would have the final say in what type of prosthetic he wanted, but it would have to wait until he woke up. 

That was the hard part. Waiting was always torture for Leon, and this was no exception. He felt trapped. His only reprieve was Chris, who came in twice a day to check on him and bring him food. On the third day, he'd forced Leon to go home, shower, and change clothes before coming back. Anticipating a long stay in New York, he'd also suggested packing a bag of clean clothes. Leon had followed some of that advice. He'd come back clean and shaven, but his leather jacket and jeans remained. He'd protested Chris' accusations, saying that he changed his shirt, socks, and underwear- the things that really mattered- but there was no way to prove it. Sleeping on the uncomfortable hospital recliner didn't do much for his appearance either, and he was usually disheveled and messing with his hair. Chris knew they needed some good news soon, or Leon would end up a hermit.

That good news came a week after Toby was admitted. 

Leon was dozing, listening to the nurses change the bedding. They suddenly went quiet, their hushed whispers dying down. One loudly called for a doctor, and Leon felt his heart leap into his throat. Groggily, he sat up, pushing his bangs out of his face. One of the nurses was checking Toby's pupils with a penlight. 

"What's going on?" He asked. A doctor rushed in, heading over to the bed. 

"Doctor Chen, he's waking up." One of the nurses said.

"What?" Leon was suddenly alert.

"His fingers were twitching while we changed the sheets, and his pupil dilation is quite good." The nurses began fussing with the tubes and IVs.

"Tobias, can you hear me?" Doctor Chen asked. After a moment, he fiddled with the IV himself. "I saw it just now, he clenched his hand. That's a nonverbal response. I'm stopping the ketamine, we'll let him wake up on his own." 

"Yes, doctor." The nurse said. She helped lay Toby flat on the hospital bed. "Should we prepare to extubate?" 

"Let's wait a little longer." Doctor Chen took out a metal rod, and went to the foot of the bed, dragging the tip up the sole of Toby's foot. "Reflexes look good. I have a feeling he's going to wake up fighting, so get a sedative ready. With how quickly he's been healing and reacting to medication, I think he's going to wake up any minute now."

"Really?" Leon asked. The doctor glanced at him.

"He might not stay awake. It's important that I talk to him and tell him what's happening. The report said he was cryogenically frozen for seven years, he's going to be understandably alarmed." He explained. "You may speak to him as soon as he's stable and mentally aware." 

"I understand." Leon said. He pulled out his phone, his thumb hovering over Chris' contact info.

"He's waking up!" The nurse said, interrupting him.

"Tobias?" Doctor Chen came around, glancing at the heart rate monitor. "Tobias, can you hear me?" 

Leon held his breath, watching as Toby's hand twitched. 

"I see you moving your hand. Can you open your eyes for me?" Doctor Chen glanced up. "Get the extubation cart ready, he'll choke on the breathing tube if he wakes up all the way."

"Nuh!" Toby suddenly gagged, his whole body jerking to life.

"Nurse, now!" Doctor Chen placed a hand on Toby's shoulder. "Tobias, my name is Doctor Chen, you're in NYC Hospital. You have a breathing tube in right now, and that's what's causing your discomfort. I can remove it, but I need you to blink your eyes at me first. Twice to tell me you want it out, once for it to be left in." He paused. "Nurse, where's that cart?"

"Here, doctor!" The nurse came in with an instrument that looked like a pump of some kind. The doctor fiddled with the tube for a minute, engrossed in his work. Leon was cringing, seconds away from covering his ears. He hated the sound of Toby's retching. 

"Tobias, breath in for me as best you can, then breath out or cough, I'm going to pull the tube out." Doctor Chen instructed. "Ready? Go." 

"Guh!" Toby coughed and spluttered, his breathing coming in ragged gasps. He struggled, his good arm coming up only to be caught by the nurse. 

"Tobias, I need you to take some deep breaths for me."

"Where am I?" Toby demanded. He sounded angry, even though his voice was scratchy and dry. "What's going on?"

"You're in NYC Hospital." Doctor Chen said. "You were found in a lab by a BSAA team. They transferred you here, and we've been taking care of you."

"Where's Simmons?"

"Simmons?" Doctor Chen asked.

"I'll kill him, I'll-" Toby thrashed on the bed, seemingly trying to get his missing limbs to respond. "What's wrong with me, what did you do to me?"

"You've been in a coma for a week. Tobias, I need you to calm-"

"Where's my arm?" Toby panicked, thrashing harder. "Where is it? What did you do to it?"

"Nurse, the sedative!" Doctor Chen called. "Tobias, I need you to listen to me. You are just fine, you're safe here."

"No!" Toby tried to squirm away. "Where's Leon? Is he okay, where's- where's-" He began to get weaker as the sedative took effect, his struggles beginning to die out. 

"Oh my god." Leon whispered.

"I'm sorry." Doctor Chen said. "He's been through a lot of trauma, it'll take time to bring him up to speed. The sedative will wear off in a few hours, and I'll try again. In the meantime, I need you to tell me what happened before he was frozen."

"Okay." Leon leaned forward, tugging gently on his hair. His hands were shaking again. "I'll do my best." He waited for the doctor to finish checking Toby over, watching apprehensively.

"The trauma in his chest- it looked like he was stabbed with something." Doctor Chen said.

"A bio-organic weapon." Leon figured a little white lie wouldn't hurt. "I… I was there when he died, but I had… orders to leave him behind. I tried to go back and look for his body, but I never found it. My best guess is that the guy who infected him took his body, and froze it. The lab we found him in was owned by another bio-organic weapon dealer. He probably bought the-" Leon stopped, staring at Toby, asleep on the bed. "The corpse."

"And presumably, the second dealer was the one that fixed him?" Doctor Chen asked.

"Yes." Leon cleared his throat. Referring to Toby as a corpse had made his skin crawl. "He infected the… um, Toby with the A-virus."

"Probably to help with efforts to resurrect him."

"What?" Leon looked up 

"A lot of the interal damage was already repaired. We simply finished the work that was there. It seemed like they were trying to bring him back to life, there was special attention paid to the arteries and the esophagus." Doctor Chen explained. "More than likely, they were doing it in stages. I also found trauma to the bone and cartilage in his chest that suggests he was given CPR multiple times. Do you know anything about that?"

"N-No." Leon stared in horror. "You think….?"

"I think he was shocked to life, went into cardiac arrest, and then died. I think this happened many times, and it was probably part of their scientific process. I am sorry. It's a very unpleasant tale. Tobias will almost definitely have circulatory issues." 

"Damn." Leon rubbed his face. Anger and helplessness were balled up inside him. Arias was dead, there was no one to punish for Toby's torture. There was no mission to go on, no bad guy to find, nothing. All he could do was wait.

Later, when the doctor attempted to talk to Toby, Leon opted to not be in the room. 

"You don't want to see him like that." Chris said. "Toby loves you, if he thinks you're in danger, he'll hurt himself trying to protect you. It's better to let the doctors calm him down first." 

"You're right." Leon collapsed against the wall outside Toby's room, hiding his face in his hands. He flinched when Chris touched him, going rigid when he was pulled into an awkward side hug. 

"Hey, this is really good, Leon. He's awake, he's talking, he can move his legs, and-"

"Leg." Leon said.

"What?"

"Leg. He can move his leg." Fingers slid down, revealing tired blue eyes. "He only has one."

"Leon." Chris sighed, grabbing his friend's shaking shoulders and forcing him to look up. "The doctor said he's fit for prosthetics, and they already took the molds. He's healing incredibly fast. Before you know it, he's gonna be just fine. He'll probably be able to go back in the field if he-"

"No." Leon snapped. "No, I don't want him to go back in the field. Not like this, not after what happened. He was blackmailed, Chris. Simmons threatened to kill me in cold blood if Toby even questioned him. He was infected almost a year before I was, he lived with it for all that time. I only had it for a few weeks, and I wanted to kill myself. He- he stopped taking his depression medication, and I think we both know why."

"So that he had a way out." Chris answered. "I know. You don't want that to happen again. No one does. You know him. Tell me, does he seem like the kind of guy that would let this stop him? I'm just saying, let him figure it out on his own." 

"I know. I know. But I already mourned him once, I won't survive having to do it again." Leon said with a shaking voice.

"Gentlemen." The doctor stepped out, shutting the door behind him. "Tobias is awake, and he's fairly calm. I have explained the basics to him, including what was done medically to him and the loss of his limbs. However, he has questions that I don't have answers to. You're free to speak to him as long as he is awake, but be aware that this whole process has taken a toll on him, he's going to be very tired."

"Understood, doctor." Chris said. He shook Leon a little to get his attention. "Were you listening?"

"Yes." Leon shoved him off, wrinkling his nose in an attempt to feign humor.

"Get in there, you're probably the only person he wants to see right now."

Leon stared at the door. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but after seven years, it felt like asking Toby out all over again. Burying that thought, he pushed the door open. He couldn't force himself to look up until he was at the foot of the bed. Toby was surprisingly alert, and Leon watched shock, disbelief, excitement, and happiness cross his face in a matter of seconds when their eyes met.

"Hey." He said, feeling a dumb little smile force its way onto his face.

"Huh. They told me I wasn't in heaven, but they must have been lying." Toby cracked his own smile in response. Leon felt something happy twist in his chest, and he hurried over, sitting on the bed in order to hug him. 

"Toby." He whispered.

"Hey, sugar." 

"I missed you so much." Leon mumbled, trying to bite down on his lip and keep from crying. "Every day." 

"It's alright, I'm here now." Toby said. Gently, with his good arm, he pulled Leon closer. "What happened? I- I remember leaving the facility to find you, but after that it just goes blank." 

"You-" Leon sighed, hiding his face for a moment. He was still basking in the closeness, his fingers curling tight in pale scrubs. "You found me. By then, Simmons had already mutated your arm and your leg, and you were turning into a verdugo. You gave me a vaccine that would weaken his control over the plaga so I could escape, and then… then you ordered me to kill you." 

"I what?" Toby raised an eyebrow. 

"You used the control word on me, the safety switch. And- and it worked and I held you and-" Leon began to get a little hysterical, his hands pulling at the blankets. 

"Shh, shh." Toby soothed him, pressing kisses to a crown of dark brown hair. "It's alright." 

"I buried you." 

"Leon-"

"No, just- It feels so good to hear your voice." Leon said. He blinked away tears when Toby nudged his chin. 

"Hey." He whispered. "I won't let him keep us apart ever again."

Leon stared for a moment before scooting close. He ran his thumb over scratchy stubble, nearly brushing their noses together.

"I love you." He whispered. Without giving Toby a chance to respond, he leaned in and kissed him, pushing him back against the pillows. They were both lost before they knew it, one kiss turning into five or six. Leon knew it was a mix of desperation and catharsis, but he couldn't drag himself away long enough to care about his carefully cultivated bad boy image. Finally, Toby had to stop him.

"Easy." He whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Your heart rate went up." Leon giggled, checking the monitor. Toby rolled his eyes.

"Of course it did, a handsome man climbed into my bed and seduced me." He shifted a little, the stump of his left arm twitching. Leon saw, ever so briefly, annoyance and anger cross his boyfriend's face. Realization hit him like a brick. The limb loss was much more upsetting than Toby was letting on. 

"Hey." He said. "I… I can't imagine what it's like to wake up the way you did and be surrounded by strangers and… and be told you've lost an arm and a leg, but... I'm here, Toby. Whatever you need me for. I promise."

Toby was quiet for a moment, staring down at the uneven lumps where his legs should have filled out the bed. 

"I can still… feel them, you know?" He said. "I know they're not there, but… I guess my brain just expects them to be, and they're not." He said. "When the doctor was talking to me, I kept trying to reach up and scratch my nose, but…" He looked away abruptly. "It's kinda like I forget for a few minutes, and then I try and do something simple, and I can't." 

"For now." Leon said. "While you were asleep, a specialist came and fitted you for prosthetics. All you have to do is pick the type that you want. They think you'll do really well once you're used to them."

"Yeah, but I'll always be… damaged."

"Not to me." Leon kissed Toby's forehead. "You did so much for me."

"Leon-"

"Toby, stop." He whispered. "I've had seven years to think about this. I could never blame you for what happened. You were being blackmailed, I saw the photos in your apartment and the emails Simmons sent you."

"Simmons…" Toby blinked a few times. "Where is he?"

"He's dead." Leon looked down at his hands. "A few years ago, he launched an attack that killed the president and then tried to frame me for it. He fled to China, and I followed. There was another attack, but Chris and some others helped me track him down, and we killed him. He's gone." 

"He's gone…" Toby stared ahead blankly.

"Yeah." Leon shifted, reaching down to thread their fingers together. "He's gone." 

They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the beep of the heart rate monitor. Toby seemed to come back around slowly, as if he had been caught inside his own head. He blinked, and his left arm twitched where it rested against the sheets. Leon brought their hands up to his face, pressing a kiss to Toby's knuckles. He felt a thumb catch on his earring, nudging it gently. 

"These are new." Toby said. He frowned. "Are those… mine?"

"Yeah." Leon smiled sheepishly. "When I escaped, I took them with me. Do you want them back?" 

"No." Toby flicked the silver hoop gently. "They look cuter on you." 

"Sap."

"Hm." Toby smiled, obviously pleased with himself. "I think I'm gonna sleep now." He said. 

"Okay." Leon forward, kissing him sweetly. "I'm going to go talk to Chris, then I'll come back in and sit with you." He jumped a little when an uncoordinated hand bumped against his face. Toby was staring at him, his fingers mapping out cheek and jaw. He looked like he was memorizing Leon's face, trying to take in every little detail.

"I love you." He broke the silence with a whisper.

"I love you too." Leon leaned in again, lingering this time. He savored the warmth of the kiss, closing his eyes and pretending that they were anywhere other than a hospital. "When… when we get this all figured out," He pulled back to lick his lips. "I'm gonna take you on so many dates." 

Toby smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling up.

"I look forward to it."


	3. Sitzfleisch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sitzfleisch- power to endure or to persevere in an activity; staying power

Everything happened so fast. One thing after another, piling on top of Leon as if he was drowning in quicksand. Ever since Chris had showed up at his hotel in Colorado, he'd been sinking. 

Toby's condition had begun to stabilize, and he was no longer quite so fragile, but he still required a lot of attention. Thankfully, they had been transported to a hospital closer to home. Leon was so grateful for that change. It allowed him to start working on finding them a place to live, on getting Toby's paperwork straightened out. Work. As long as he had work, he would be okay. 

There were so many complications, so many horrible, horrible side effects and brutal maladies left embalmed inside Toby's skin. His body was weak. It could support itself, he could breathe on his own, but too much physical effort left him drained and winded. If it got really bad, if he pushed too hard, he would become confused and lose track of where he was and who he was with. Leon was the only person he consistently recognized during those episodes. Everyone else became nameless bodies, and if they got too close, he tended to panic and lash out. 

There was something else bothering Toby, something he hadn't told the doctors. Leon could sense it, could feel the unease buzzing just over his left shoulder. He wanted to ask, to get it out in the open, but he was scared of triggering an attack. He wasn't stupid, however, and his detective skills had never failed him. It wasn't the amputations- Toby had been interested in the prosthetics, and had chosen some to be custom fitted. He was all set up for physical therapy, and seemed to be coping well enough. It wasn't the PTSD- he'd been speaking with a therapist regularly since he'd woken up from the coma, and she was happy with his progress. It was something else.

Three times now, he'd been woken up by Toby's labored breathing. During the night, something had startled him awake, and he'd set off the heart rate monitor. His pounding heart and high blood pressure had put enormous strain on his still-healing veins and arteries, triggering an attack. The doctor had suggested sleep apnea, but Leon didn't buy it. He was smart enough to put two and two together. Relentless panic attacks, aversion to the dark, and bleary, sleep-deprived eyes were all indicative of night terrors. After years spent dealing with them himself, it wasn't hard to spot the signs. Fatigue, irritability, slowness, day-dreaming, being easily startled- Leon had gone through them all, and he didn't want Toby to follow that same path.

"Hey." He said, finally gathering his courage. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, careful of tubes and IVs. "Can I ask you about something?"

"Of course." Toby set down the cards he was playing solitaire with, turning his attention over to Leon.

"Are you having nightmares?" 

"...You would've made a very good detective." Toby sighed. "Yes."

"About… dying?" Leon scooted closer, only half conscious of how he grabbed the offered hand. 

"No, sugar." Toby laced their fingers together. "About… about Arias." 

"Wait, do you remember what he did?"

"Sort of." 

"Jesus." Leon leaned forward. "I'm sorry." He cuddled up as close as he dared, heeding the doctor's warning to be gentle. 

"It's like…" Toby pressed distracted kisses to worried brows, his thoughts far away for a moment. "I can't remember  _ things  _ so much as feelings." He sighed. "I haven't told anyone yet because I don't know how to explain it."

"Try me." Leon insisted.

"I-" Toby frowned, and the stump of his left arm twitched. "I don't remember ever waking up, but I remember this awful pain in my chest, and being so scared because I thought-" He paused for a second, swallowing nervously. "I thought maybe I hadn't died and Simmons had found me. But that's all it was. I get it a lot of- like, ghosts of that feeling. They get really intense. I think that's what sets me off."

"You need to tell your therapist." Leon said. "She can help you. That's what she's here for. Meanwhile, I may not have the right words to fix it, but I'm here for you, you know that."

"Yes." Toby smiled at him, his eyes bloodshot and tired. "I would never doubt you."

"Good." Leon leaned in and kissed him. "Now take a nap. You need it." 

"Yes, sir." Toby mumbled. He was already half asleep, lulled by affection and whispered words. Leon curled up with him, desperate for some normalcy. If that slice of life came in the form of a late-afternoon nap, then he would take it. He wasn't picky.

* * *

  
  


Toby's body surprised everyone, even the doctors. Though it was still weak, it was quick to heal. Leon could hear them whispering theories about the A-Virus' medicinal capabilities, but he chose to tune them out. Using bioweapons for noble purposes never worked the way people wanted it to. He knew that. There was too much greed in the world, and too little restraint. 

As skeptical as he was, he couldn't help but be just as impressed as the doctors. Three measly weeks, that was all it took for Toby to become restless. He'd been working- slowly, painfully slowly- on his physical therapy, and he was getting quite good at maneuvering around on his new leg. It was an impressive piece of equipment- 3d printed struts and webs came together to form a cast that matched the rest of him in stature and bulk. The joint in his knee was stable and sturdy, its design allowing him more freedom to move and bend than some of the stiffer prosthetics. His new arm was a piece of art as well. Electrodes translated movements from the residual limb to motors inside the prosthetic, and it bent, twisted, and grasped at Toby's whim. He was quick to get a handle on it, and practiced his dexterity by playing cards, writing, and braiding some of the longer portions of Leon's hair. 

Thankfully, the DSO had covered the cost of everything- the hospital stay, the new limbs, and the accessibility upgrades Leon had gotten. The board members were terrified that the two of them would spill the beans on their coverup, and were being quite generous with their hush money. 

Leon's apartment wouldn't cut it anymore, not when he was so determined to make them a better life. So, he spent some time house hunting- done mostly from his phone- and settled on a cute little rambler in some nearby suburbs. Throw in a wheelchair ramp, a roll-in shower, and some nifty handrails, and he knew he could make it a home for both him and Toby. Chris had offered to help him move furniture and boxes from his apartment, and as reluctant as he'd been to spend a day away from the hospital, it had been nice to get some fresh air. He'd never admit it, not in a thousand years, but he was starting to really enjoy Chris' company. They spent almost a full twelve hours working on putting together new furniture, laying out rugs, and fighting about where things should go. At the end, they ordered pizza and sat on the couch, quietly giggling about their sudden interest in interior design. Leon had gone back to the hospital that night, exhausted. All the work was worth it when he showed Toby pictures of the house. His lover's smile could have melted the glaciers, but Leon wasn't done.

"Hey, so, I have one more surprise." He brought Toby's hand up to his face, kissing his knuckles.

"Who are you, and what have you done with my uptight, stressed out boyfriend?"

"I know." Leon laughed. "I, um, I talked to the therapist, and she recommended that you look into getting a service dog. So… I scheduled an appointment with a shelter that trains animals for service work. They have some psychiatric dogs that you can choose from, if you want. The DSO agreed to cover that, too. I think it would be really good, y'know?"

"Yeah?" Toby asked. "She mentioned it to me, too. I wasn't sure if you even liked dogs." 

"I'm definitely more of a cat person, but I think I can handle it." Leon admitted. "Besides, the dog will be able to take care of you when I'm gone. I wouldn't want you to be alone."

"They're sending you back already?" 

"Not yet." Leon shook his head. "But I know they will." He looked down at their hands. "I sort of… lost sight of everything else when you… disappeared. I kept searching for ways to keep busy, and I threw myself into work, and-" He sighed. "I'm gone at least once a month now." 

"Helping people." Toby smiled slowly, using mechanical fingers to push back long bangs. "I wouldn't want to take that from you."

"I'll ask to have my assignments cut back- I want to spend time with you and do all the things we missed out on. Being around you made me so happy, and even in a hospital, with all these setbacks, I'm so glad to be with you." Leon told him. 

"C'mere." Toby reached for him, pulling him in close. "It'll be good for both of us." 

"And the dog."

"Mm. Yeah." Toby chuckled. "And the dog." He was gentle, combing his fingers through soft, brown hair. As long as they were careful, they were allowed to cuddle up together, and they took full advantage of that stipulation. They both slept better when they were close, and after seven years, they craved each other more than anything. Leon felt every muscle in his body begin to unwind as he dozed with his head on Toby's shoulder. If he ignored the whirring and the beeping of the hospital equipment, he could fantasize about napping in their backyard, stretched out on a blanket with the stars way up above them and a cool breeze coming through the trees. He didn't get to stay inside that fantasy for long, his tired brain quickly seizing the opportunity to sleep.

* * *

  
  


Leon watched Toby play with the dogs, his heart balled up with affection. It was probably the cutest thing he'd ever seen- his boyfriend nearly overrun by a few armfuls of curious puppies. Each was a little over a year old, and fully trained to obey an extensive list of commands and monitor changes in its owner's behavior. He'd done his homework, and this place had the most well-trained dogs he'd seen.

"What do you think?" He knelt down, pressing a kiss to Toby's forehead. 

"I think this one really likes me." Toby pulled aside the edge of his coat, which had been partially disguising a brown and white puppy sitting in his lap. It was calm and quiet while the others milled around aimlessly. 

"Cute." Leon said. He reached down, gently scratching behind the dog's ears. It looked up at him with big, brown eyes. "Will you take care of Toby for me?" He asked. "It's a big job, he's a handful- hey!" Leon laughed as Toby pushed him sideways, making him topple over. He pushed himself upright, looking at the dog again. It wagged its tail at him.

"What's your name, sweet thing?" Toby asked. He lifted up the nametag on the dog's collar. "Cricket, huh? How do you feel about coming home with us, Cricket?" He smiled when the tail wagging picked up speed. "I thought so."

"I'll go tell the front desk lady." Leon said. He ruffled Toby's hair as he stood up, heading over to the volunteer helping them get acquainted with the animals. "He really likes Cricket." He glanced back over, smiling. "And I think she likes him as well. If it is a she." 

"Yes, Cricket's one of our females. She's a border collie, and she's very sweet." The lady was incredibly enthusiastic. "There's a small review process that's done by my bosses, just to make sure that the dog and the owner match up well. It usually takes a few days, and then she'll be ready to go home with you." 

"Oh, okay, that sounds good." Leon rubbed his chin. "The hospital sent over his information, right?"

"Correct. Mr. Cardoso just needs to sign the release that gives us permission to review his forms, and he'll be all set."

"Alright, I'll go get him." Leon walked back over to Toby, watching him pet Cricket. She was staring up at him with a big, goofy dog smile. "Tobes?" He said. "They need you to sign a release form. The owners will review your file and decide whether or not they think Cricket is a good match, then they'll give us a call, okay?" 

"Yeah." Toby took Leon's arm, using it as a brace to get himself back on his feet. His breath became a little wheezy from the exertion, and instantly, Cricket was nudging at his legs. "Hi." Toby smiled. "I'm alright, little lady." He pet her gently. 

"I really hope we get her." Leon said. "She already loves you. I guess you just have that effect on people… and dogs." 

"Guess so." Toby smiled to himself. "She's a sweet little thing." He followed Leon over to the desk, signing his name on the offered paperwork. The receptionist kept her cheery attitude the whole time, and even offered them some candy from a dish on her desk. Toby grabbed Leon's arm for support on their way out to the car, limping a little. He used the handholds to lower himself into the passenger seat with a tired groan. "Been a while since I've had a workout." He chuckled to himself.

"Tired?" Leon asked, climbing into the driver's seat. He reached over, skin warm against the cold metal of Toby's arm. Their fingers fit together loosely, resting on the center console. 

"Yeah." Toby admitted. It was clear that he would rather stay outside, but he wasn't strong enough yet. The doctors had promised that he would be discharged later that week, but he would still have to take it easy, or he'd end up back in the hospital.

"A nap sounds pretty good right now, but I have one last thing I want to do."

"What's that?"

"You'll see." Leon gave him a playful smile. "It won't take long, but… it's important to me." He kept quiet during the drive, listening to Toby hum along to the radio. He wasn't nervous- he knew they'd both enjoy his plans, but there was a weird mix of excitement and love bubbling up inside him. He had strings of memories from the time Toby had spent taking care of him, of being held and talked to, of hands combing through his hair- all things that had grounded him and kept him sane. He'd felt like he was losing his mind while under the virus' influence, and Toby had been his only constant. If he was being honest, he was just returning the favor. 

"We're here." Leon put the car in park, unhooking his seatbelt.

"I took you here on the way home from the hospital." Toby laughed. "I didn't think you remembered any of it, you were on  _ so many  _ drugs."

"Oh, I remembered." Leon helped him out of the car, leading him inside the ice cream shop. "Do you still like rocky road?" 

"As far as I know." Toby claimed one of the corner booths, stretching out his legs. He watched with an amused smile as Leon went up to the counter and talked awkwardly with the underpaid teenager behind the register. Soft pop music floated out from the overhead speaker, mixing with the hum of their voices and the buzz of the refrigeration units.

"Stop looking at me like that, we're in public." Leon whispered as he came over with the cones. He sat down beside Toby, brushing their shoulders together.

"What, I'm not allowed to look at you?" Toby took a lick of his treat, smearing chocolate on his tongue.

"Not with that gross lovey-dovey face you had." Leon teased. Within a minute of sitting down, he'd managed to get a ring of strawberry ice cream around his upper lip, caught just under the bit of moustache he'd grown. With a mischievous smile, Toby leaned in, using a slow, deep kiss as an excuse to lick up the sugary sweetness.

"You got some on your face." He whispered afterwards. 

"Yeah?" Leon brought the ice cream up to his face, bumping it against his lower lip and leaving another smear.

"Yeah." Toby took the bait, kissing him again. His own cone was forgotten, busy chasing the taste of strawberry on Leon's tongue. It seemed like years before they parted for air.

"God." Swollen, pink lips gasped out. Leon flashed a dopey smile. "When we get home, you owe me seven years worth of kisses like that." 

"That's a debt I intend to repay." Toby winked, licking up the melted bits of his ice cream. "You taste even sweeter with strawberry flavoring, you know?" 

"Mm. There you go being a sap again." 

"I'm just saying, there's a reason I call you  _ sugar,  _ sugar." 

* * *

  
  


It was only natural for them to be so affectionate. It had taken a while for their initial spark to be rekindled, but as the shock and trauma died down, the playful flirting ramped up. The love had returned the moment they'd made eye contact, but the affection and banter had taken a little longer to take root. Leon had learned to bury that part of him, the special language he had when he was with Toby. No one had told him that losing that conversation, that piece of him, would hurt so much- or how difficult it was to unearth. Now that he had it back, it was like flipping a switch. Their jokes and subtle barbs were laced with affection, every word helping sew their fates together.

Therefore, it was no surprise when they spent their first day home in a naked, scorching hot heap. Leon had lost most of his clothing the minute they'd gotten in the door, and Toby was quick to follow. They had started on the couch, with slow kisses that turned more and more desperate, escalating until they were gasping into each other's mouths, weak with lust. 

"I missed every inch of you." Leon whispered, his hand rubbing teasingly over the bulge in Toby's boxers. In retaliation, he was pushed down against the cushions, his briefs tossed somewhere over by the TV. Toby kissed him again, harder, and ground their hips together. It started slow, and it stayed slow. While they'd never had sex like this before- never  _ made love _ \- it didn't feel any less intense than their previous encounters. Leon loved it, drooled over the slow teasing, the stretching that went on for over an hour, leaving him hot and sloppy. He was putty in Toby's arms, his hips moving of their own accord. Free to make as much noise as he wanted, he moaned and shook when kisses were peppered across his hips and stomach, a warning that preluded wetness engulfing his cock. His fingers pulled on brown locks as he gasped out Toby's name, his nerves completely overwhelmed. 

He'd tried having sex with someone else, had even brought a guy home for a one night stand. The sex had been decent, he'd cum with a moan trapped in his throat, but it had hurt. It had been so empty compared to this, compared to how he felt with Toby. 

"You're such a tease." He moaned. "C'mon, Tobes, I want you inside me. Want you so bad." 

"I can't say no to that." Toby shuffled their limbs, being careful to find and keep his balance. Leon's legs bent up and over sun-kissed shoulders, folding him almost neatly in half. It allowed him to arch his back when Toby bottomed out inside him, taking more, deeper, harder. Or it would have, if he wasn't denied the satisfaction. If there was one thing that Toby was a master at, it was bringing his partner to a fever pitch. He went torturously slow, building steady breakers of pleasure until Leon was delirious with it, begging to cum. Only then did Toby give in and drive his hips forward with a purpose, striking every over-sensitized nerve along the way. Leon came in thick spurts, coating his chest with his own release. He hadn't orgasmed like that since the first time he'd bottomed, and his head was swimming in the afterglow. Toby was quick to hold him, to wrap them both in a blanket and cuddle into the cushions. They went right back to kissing, their hands wandering bare skin and basking in their shared body heat. 

"I'm never letting you go. Not again." Leon breathed. "Never again." 

And he didn't. Not for hours. It took another toe-curling orgasm to pull his hands from Toby's body, and by then, they were so drenched in each other that it hardly mattered. 


	4. Streicheleinheiten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Streicheleinheiten- tender, loving care

"Huh?" Leon mumbled sleepily, waving his hand in front of his face. More insistently, something nudged him, shoving his head to the side. "Mm, sleeping." He protested. Another nudge made him groan and open his eyes. Cricket stood over him, whining quietly.  
"Damn it." Leon sat up, looking around the living room. "I fell asleep, huh?" He asked her. She poked him with her nose before looking towards the bedroom. Leon got up quickly, following her down the hall. As he went to turn on the light, he heard the sheets rustle, accompanied by Cricket's footsteps. Toby was struggling, his arm trapped by the twists and folds of their comforter. Leon stepped over, gently untangling him.

"Toby?" He said calmly. "Wake up, baby. It's alright, you're having a bad dream." Having learned not to wake his boyfriend too suddenly, he was careful as he shook twitching shoulders.

"Nuh!" Toby flailed, fighting off some unseen force. He quieted after a moment, breathing heavily. "Shit." He cussed. Leon stretched out beside him, leaning in to gently knock their heads together.

"That's the fourth one this week." He said quietly.

"I know. I…" Toby sighed. "Can we talk in the morning? I'm exhausted, and I know you are too."

"Promise?" Leon asked.

"Promise."

"Alright, deal." He got up to turn off the light, shedding his shirt and sweatpants as he did so. When he crawled back into bed, a wandering hand slid over the small of his back, pulling him close. He was already pleasantly warm, and that feeling increased when Cricket planted herself between their legs, determined to stick close. Toby made a soft little humming noise, nuzzling the top of Leon's head. He was already drifting off, his breathing slowing down and becoming softer.  
Leon reached up, smoothing the palm of his hand over soft skin until he found the spot where Toby's heartbeat was the strongest. Feeling that pulse relaxed him beyond measure, soothing the terrified voice in his head. They were fine. Everything was fine. Go back to sleep.

* * *

Toby's phone buzzed insistently, the alarm announcing that it was 8:30 in the morning and time for him to wake up. His hand slapped against the nightstand until he found the device, hitting the snooze button before burying his nose in the mop of dark hair on his chest.

"Mm?" Leon squirmed, his eyes slow to open. He stretched his arms and legs before letting out a tired grumble and attempting to go back to sleep.

"I have to get up, sugar." Toby whispered. He smiled when a quiet "no" reached his ears, pitching up into a whine. "I've gotta make some phone calls. C'mon, I'll start some coffee."

"Fine." Leon mumbled. He rolled onto his back, disturbing Cricket, who jumped up and came to investigate. She licked his face before turning to Toby, who was hooking his prosthetics into place.

"Morning, little lady." He greeted her, scratching between her ears. She jumped down from the bed, following him patiently as he got up and dressed. Leon watched lazily, something warm building up inside his chest. That was his family, awake and alive on a lazy Monday morning. He stood up, stretching his arms above his head.

"What happened last night?" He asked. Toby glanced over at him.

"Coffee first." He said. "I have something I want to ask you about, but we both need to be awake."

"Huh?" Leon wandered over to the dresser, grabbing one of Toby's shirts and pulling it over his head. He decided against pants, following his boyfriend out to the kitchen. Toby was already setting up the coffee maker, dumping water into the reservoir and putting in a new filter before pouring himself a stiff glass of orange juice from the fridge. The doctors had made it explicitly clear that coffee was on the list of no-no foods for people with Frankenstein-esque vascular systems.

"Will you grab the-" Leon suppressed a smile when Toby handed him the box of donuts from on top of the fridge. He shoved one into his mouth, groaning at the taste of sugar. "Lay it on me."

"I want to go back to work at the DSO."

"What?" Leon nearly choked, spitting out a puff of powdered sugar. He clamped his hand over his mouth, chewing a bit more before taking a sip of Toby's orange juice.

"I know that really scares you, but-"

"Toby, please." Leon wiped his face. "Please don't."

"Sugar, I can't just sit around the house all day." He protested. "I'll go nuts, you know I will. I love you, more than anything, but I can't stand people seeing me as just your disabled boyfriend."

"I never-" Leon stammered. "I never thought of you as-"

"I know, I know." Toby reached over, squeezing his hand. "I know you don't. But, everyone else does, whether they mean to or not, y'know?" He sighed. "I want to go back to work, I want something to keep me busy."

"But what if something happens, what if someone attacks an aid station or-"

"Hang on." Toby slowed him down. "I didn't say anything about going back to aid station work."

"But I know you want to." Leon groaned, tugging gently on his hair. "I can't- Toby, I can't lose you again. Please."

"You won't." The coffee maker beeped gently, and Toby got up, grabbing one of Leon's mugs from the dish rack. He filled it up, putting in some creamer. "I just want a desk job. Hell, I'll settle for data input if I have to."

"But-" Leon shut his mouth when Toby cupped his chin, tilting his head up to kiss him. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I know." Toby set the coffee down on the table. "I'll be home every day for dinner, and even if you're away on a mission, you know you have someone waiting for you. I've had my fill of fighting. I'd much rather have a nine-to-five and sleep in our bed every night."

"Tobes-"

"Coffee." Toby bent over, kissing Leon's forehead.

"Mm. You still remember how I like it."

"Of course."

"I guess I have to concede." Leon took a sip, already feeling more awake. "I'm sorry, I never thought about how-" he looked down at his hands. "I knew this would be tough, and I should've thought about that, about how people would see us. I was so caught up in having you home that I lost track of everything else."

"It's alright." Toby moved across the kitchen again, pouring some food into Cricket's dish. She trotted over, tail wagging. "Chris told me that you were in a really bad spot when he found you. Is that…" he paused, struggling with his words for a second. "Are you alright? Everyone's been worried about me, but what about you?"

"Yeah, I guess I was." Leon ran his fingertips over the side of his pastel pink coffee mug, where it read "fuck" in script letters. "I, um, got stuck in a loop. I'd go on a mission, something bad would happen, I'd blame myself, and then I'd drink until I passed out." He kept his gaze down, scared of what he'd see on Toby's face.  
"It got really bad. I was drunk when Chris found me. I had mostly sobered up by the time we fought Arias, but… but I was planning on drinking again, and I would've, if he hadn't found me at the cemetery."

"Le…" Toby seemed to be at a loss for words. Leon stood up, forgoing his coffee in favor of a hug. Mechanical fingers rubbed gently at his back, soothing him. "How have you been doing recently?" Toby asked.

"Better." Leon closed his eyes, welcoming the affection. "I don't feel so alone anymore. It… It felt like my job took everything from me." He admitted. "I've given my whole life to the government, wasted years chasing bad guys, only for new ones to pop up. When I lost you, I lost faith in myself and faith in the DSO. Then Simmons framed me, and it just dug that hole deeper. I wanted to get away, to be anywhere else and I…" he trailed off. "I guess I found the next best thing. But, I promise I'm getting better. I swear. I haven't even wanted to drink, I just want to be with you."

"I believe you." Toby told him. "You have one of the toughest jobs out there, and I know how much of yourself you put into it. There's no shame in cracking under that pressure. You're not a superhero, you're just a man. You can do incredible things, I know you can, but I also know that you need attention and love, companionship, warm food, a soft bed. Wanting that doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. Falling into bad habits also makes you human, arguably more so than anything else."

"When my contract expires…"

"Tell the government to piss off, then retire?" Toby asked. Leon laughed, tilting his head up to kiss him.

"Yeah." He said. "Maybe go on vacation. A long one. Somewhere quiet, where it can be just the two-" he glanced down at Cricket. "-three of us. Someplace where we can spend all day in bed and not have to worry about phone calls or meetings."

"That sounds nice." Toby whispered. He let Leon tug him down for more kisses, lingering in each one and tasting the warmth between them. Their noses bumped together, lazy and soft.

"Go ahead, put in for reinstatement." Leon said. "This is an important step for both of us, and I won't let my insecurities hold us back."

"You never cease to amaze me, my dear." Toby squeezed Leon tight against his chest before walking him back to the table. "Drink your coffee, and we can talk some more."

"You've got a lot to catch up on." Leon teased. "You missed a lot of life's bullshit, including what Sherry refers to as the _my eyes are down here_ era of my fashion sense."

"Damn." Toby cussed. "Can I get a reenactment? I'm a visual learner."

"Maybe." Leon took a sip of coffee. "If you get that job."

"Deal."

* * *

"I can do a french braid, but I can't-" Toby growled in frustration. He was tugging on his tie, loose and sloppy around his neck. Trying to use a mirror was only confusing him and making him second guess his hand movements. Using his last bit of patience, he managed to undo the knot he'd made.

"Would you like help?" Leon asked. He stepped closer, smoothing his hand over the crisp dress shirt Toby was wearing. It was sort of _doing things_ to him to see his boyfriend in formal wear.

"Yeah, I guess I need it." Toby sighed. He held still as Leon messed with the fabric, tugging gently on the loop around his neck. His gaze was fixed on the mirror, on the unevenness of his legs, the stark difference between flesh and plastic in his hands, and the dullness of his eyes. He looked soft, breakable. It was disheartening.

"Perfect." Leon said. He stepped back, frowning at the look on Toby's face. "Baby?"

"Sorry-" He looked away. "I just, uh… it doesn't always look like me. The mirror."

"Because of…?" Soft skin graced twitching plastic fingers. Toby looked away before nodding, his jaw clenched. He flinched when Leon moved behind him, coaxing him to look head on at his reflection.

"Do you know what I see?"

"What?" He asked.

"I see my boyfriend, a man I would move heaven and earth for. The person who took care of me for weeks on end while I got sick, who risked his life to come see me while we were imprisoned. The man who sacrificed himself so that I could get help." Leon squeezed his arms around Toby's waist, kissing the side of his neck. "But you're a lot more than that, too. You helped set up aid stations in three different countries, and those are just the ones I know about. You left lasting impact on the procedures for sending aid and coordinating with The Red Cross and the BSAA. The notes and reports you wrote were all adopted by the DSO, and it's what they use to train recruits." He chuckled. "You did so much for us, and I'm not going to let you forget it. Today, you're gonna walk into that office, give them your resume, tell them about your previous work, and then you'll be reinstated, because they'd be absolutely nuts if they turned you down."

"Well, when you put it like that…" Toby chuckled. He turned around, cupping Leon's cheeks as he kissed him. "Thank you, sugar. I think that's what I needed to hear."

"Good." Leon hooked clever fingers around Toby's waistband. "And when we get home, we'll… celebrate. We'll do something special, and I'll wear something nice, if you know what I mean."

"Oh?" Toby kissed him again. "I'd like that. Spending time with you is always nice."

"You're just saying that to get into my pants."

* * *

The meeting dragged on forever. Toby was fidgeting by the end of it, his toe tapping against the ground rhythmically. The board had been discussing their decision privately for fifteen minutes now, and he was starting to sweat. Had Leon been wrong? Did they not want him back? Was it because he was disabled, or because his existence could open up a scandal that would sink the DSO faster than a paper boat?

"Mr. Cardoso?" A man called to him, beckoning for him to come back into the conference room. Toby got up, his knee creaking gently. Cricket trotted along beside him, sitting happily at his feet as he stood before the men and women of the board.

"Well," The woman at the head of the table, DSO President Winters, set aside her reading glasses, looking Toby up and down. "We have reviewed your personnel file, looked into the peer reviews and past assessments posted there, and discussed your letter of recommendation from Captain Redfield. Clearly, you have an impressive grasp of the ins and outs of the international aid program. Our only issue seems to be the way in which your disappearance was handled." She pulled out some paperwork, dropping it on the desk. "This states that you were absent without leave on the date of your last assigned mission. However…" She rifled through more paperwork. "This addendum states that you were being held by enemy operatives for experimentation and have been cleared medically to come back to work."

"I think it's in our best interest to have this ironed out." One of the other board members spoke up. "But I know I'm not alone in the belief that having your expertise on hand would be a fantastic asset to not only our aid teams, but our strike teams as well."

"What Vice President Johnson is trying to say is that we'd like you to start up a taskforce of on-call medics stationed at FOS to help agents out in the field." Winters said. "This is a desk job, as you requested, and I would feel better knowing that you were at the helm."

Toby stared at her for a moment, shocked.  
"Y-Yes! I'd be honored." He said. "Thank you."

"Excellent." Winters shuffled the enormous file in front of her. "I will personally see to having your records fixed, and we'll give you a call when things are ready. I've already begun to make preparations for this project, and I'll have copies of the preliminary plans sent home with you."

"Understood, ma'am." Toby said. He stepped forward, shaking her hand. "I look forward to making this happen."

"As do I."

* * *

"What?" Leon leapt up, throwing himself at Toby. He laughed as they stumbled, bumping into each other. "That's great! I knew it, I knew they'd want you back."

"Yeah, you called it." Toby admitted. He nudged his nose against soft, brown hair. "They don't want me sticking around until they've fixed up my file, so I can't stay long, but…" He chuckled. "Damn, I've been waiting a long time to say this… I'll see you at home, sugar."

Leon grinned, hiding it in the collar of Toby's shirt.  
"Yeah, I'll see you later." He said. He leaned into a kiss, unable to keep the smile off his face.

Every tick of the clock and every scratch of his pen seemed to drag on, keeping him rooted in his tiny office, surrounded by files and forms. Leon wanted nothing more than to toss them all aside in a paper and ink flurry, book it for the door, and make his way home. He itched to be there, to be with Toby and Cricket and celebrate how their lives were finally beginning to fall into place.

By the time he escaped the office and made it out to the suburbs- impatiently tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove- he was buzzing with excitement. Toby had been busy. Leon inhaled as he walked through the front door, the smell of food making his neglected stomach flip. He kicked off his boots and hung up his jacket, heading into the kitchen.

"Hey." His hands found the curve of Toby's waist, sliding over soft cotton. It was a welcome embrace, one he was willing to drown himself in if it meant he could feel that closeness forever.

"Hey, sugar." Toby kissed the top of his head. "How was work?"

"I spent the whole time thinking about you." Leon admitted. "I'm so happy for you- mm!" His hands flew up in surprise when he was spun around, pushed up against the cabinets. They landed on Toby's shoulders, holding on tight as they kissed enthusiastically.

"Dinner's not ready yet." Toby whispered. "It'll be about an hour still."

"Perfect." Leon pushed him away teasingly. "Give me ten minutes." He said, his eyes drifting over tempting muscles. "Then come find me."

"Oh, fuck, you can't-" Toby groaned as Leon disappeared down the hall. "You're gonna be the death of me." He mumbled, sitting down heavily. Cricket raised her head, looking up at him.  
"I know." He told her. "He's a menace, but he's hot."

He picked idly at the tablecloth as he waited, his toe starting up the same rhythm from his wait in the head office. He didn't dare try to imagine what was in store for him, or he'd certainly sell his boyfriend short. Leon had a habit of pulling out all the stops when it came to their time together, and he knew this would be no different.

Finally, when the microwave read that enough time had passed, Toby got up. He walked slowly down the hallway, stopping in front of the door. Unsure of what to do, he knocked on the hardwood.

"Come in." Leon called. He was ready, sitting with his legs spread on their bed. Tight, grey slacks hugged his thighs, the zipper undone to show off the black briefs he was wearing. His blue dress shirt was only half buttoned, teasing the swell of his chest. Dark hair tousled, cheeks flushed, he looked messy and desperate, and it turned Toby on more than he wanted to admit.

"Damn." He cussed, slowly coming closer. His eyes greedily roamed over exposed skin, wanting to touch and grope. Leon just grinned at him, tilting his head to expose the long line of his neck.

"C'mere." He said. His breath hitched when the bed dipped, hands finding his hips and squeezing. He felt cold plastic rub against his skin, and it made him shiver, his skin warm with want. "Toby." He murmured, sighing at the feeling of soft lips pressing kisses to his throat. With a stuttering, jerky motion, he rolled his hips upwards to grind against the leg planted between his thighs.

"I'm gonna start tearing things off of you if you keep that up." Toby warned. His jeans were beginning to feel extra tight, obviously not immune to Leon's wiles.

"That's why I wore this shirt."

"Hm?" He nipped at soft skin.

"It's a little too small, I've been meaning to get rid of it, so… tear it off of me." Leon said. He smiled dangerously when Toby let out a noise that was rapidly approaching a growl. Rough hands squeezed his chest before grabbing each half of his dress shirt and pulling. The buttons flew everywhere and the stitching gave way, leaving fabric clinging to his shoulders.

"You're a menace." Toby whispered, pulling the remains off of him.

"Yeah, and I think it's hot when you're a little rough with me." Leon said. "C'mon, we have a time limit, remember?"

"Mhm." Toby pulled off his shirt, tossing it aside. His pants and boxers were next, dropped to the floor in an unceremonious heap. Leon just watched, perched on his elbows. He waited until Toby's eyes were on him before wriggling out of the dress pants he was wearing, his movements made obscene by the tent in his briefs.

"I may have… started without you." Leon admitted. He crooked his fingers, pulling Toby in as if by magic. "Touch me." He begged. When his breathy pleas were obeyed, he moaned, rocking his hips up into groping hands. His briefs were thrown off the bed, and it all went south from there. Toby dipped his fingers between pale thighs, groaning at what he found.

"Yeah?" He whispered, dragging Leon into a kiss. "You spent most of that ten minutes fingering yourself, huh?" He asked.

"Yea- oh!" Leon arched his back when Toby pressed two fingers into him, crooking them upwards to press into his sweet spot. "Baby," he moaned. "That feels great, but I want your dick."

"Be patient." Toby scolded. He found the lube- hidden under one of the pillows- and emptied some into his hand. "How do you-" he stopped when Leon squirmed beneath him, his legs pulled up to his chest. "Oh."

"I've been waiting all day for this."

"I see that." He laughed, ducking in for a kiss. He kept Leon distracted as he lined himself up, pushing in slowly and savoring the soft muscle that clenched around him. "Fuck."

"Don't stop." Leon begged, wrapping his legs around Toby's waist. Once his hands were free, he was able to dig his nails in wherever he could reach, desperate for something to hold on to. "Fuck- fuck you-" he hissed.

"What?"

"Mm." Leon tugged his lover's head down, kissing him desperately. "Feels really good." He groaned. "I want it slow."

"Of course, sugar." Toby moved his hips at a smooth, lethargic pace. "Pillow princess." He teased.

"Yeah. Only because you won't say no."

"Not to you."

Their movements got a little sloppier, a little more rushed, as they chased the warm slide of their skin. Leon found himself tugging on Toby's hair, desperate for something to silence the wanton noises slipping from between his teeth. One of his hands slid between them, wrapping around his cock. He rubbed his thumb lazily over the tip, collecting the pre-cum leaking out and bringing it up to his mouth for a taste.

"Minx." Toby accused. He put all his weight on his good arm, mechanical fingers following Leon's lead. He savored the wide eyes that met his own, pink lips parting in a breathy gasp at the touch of cold plastic. Gently, he squeezed, angling his wrist so he could mimic the motion of a handshake.

"Oh f-" Leon grabbed onto his boyfriend's hair again. "Mm- you c- don't ruin the electronics." He said.

"What, with your cum?" Toby asked, voice low with want. He pumped his hand a little faster, making Leon's cock jump against the unforgiving material.

"You know it does things to me when you talk dirty."

"That's why I do it, sugar." Toby teased. He cocked his head, leaning into the hand that was tugging on his hair. "Tell me what you want." He encouraged.

"Harder." Leon tossed his head to the side. "Fuck, just- stop teasing and fuck me."

"Yes, my dear."

"Shut-" He moaned, losing his train of thought when Toby began snapping their hips together. His back arched and his toes curled, his calves nearly cramping from how hard he tensed. Other people he'd fallen into bed with hadn't listened to him, or asked what he wanted during sex. Toby was the only one that pampered him like that, so it was no small wonder that the orgasms Leon had with him were so mind-numbing. That was the power of communication, he supposed.

"Hey." Toby stirred him from his thoughts. "C'mere, Le, I got you." He shifted, lowering himself so they could hold onto each other as they fucked.

"Kiss me." Leon dragged him downwards, smashing their mouths together. "I- love you." He moaned, interrupted by a particularly harsh thrust.

"I love you too." Toby said. His arms were beginning to give out, tired from holding him up for so long. There was finality to the way his hips moved, sliding in and out of his lover's body with so much ease that it was jarring when they stopped, pressed in as deep as possible. Leon moaned at the feeling, closing his eyes to savor the feeling of cum dripping between his legs. He moved to get himself off, but Toby slapped his hand away.

"Huh?"

"Let me." Toby moved backwards, lying on his chest. He gave a mischievous smile before swallowing down Leon's cock, moaning softly at the taste.

"Fuck- Toby!" Leon reached down, curling his fingers in short, brown hair. He nearly came just from the sight alone. Toby wasn't very good at giving head- something he'd admitted years ago- but he gave a hell of an effort, and it paid off. He took it like a champ, swallowing easily and licking excess cum off of his lower lip. Leon collapsed against the bed with a tired groan.

"Don't fall asleep." Toby whispered, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "I made dinner, remember?"

"Baby, this was supposed to be for you, but you turned me into jello." Leon complained. He protested when cold plastic tickled his ribs.

"It was for me. I like making you feel good." Toby said. "C'mon, I made pot roast."

"Carry me."

"I would if I could, sugar." He laughed. Leon swung his legs over the side of the bed, taking Toby's shirt from off the floor. He pulled it on before finding his underwear crumpled up beside the closet.

"After dinner, I expect round two." He announced, heading into the kitchen. "And I get to be on top this time."

Toby said yes. There was no universe in which he'd say no to that. Not a single timeline where he was able to resist the coy looks and filthy tongue his boyfriend possessed. Leon was his weakness, and vice versa. Unfortunately, weaknesses are easy to exploit, even more so when they're human, because humans are fragile.

Leon knew that Toby was an easy target, but his mistake was thinking that the worst was over.


	5. Erschrecken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erschrecken- to frighten

Leon had learned to appreciate lazy days.

Not having to get up, put pants on, or comb his hair was a treat. On lazy days, he could sleep until 10 and no one was allowed to scold him. Except Toby, but usually he would sleep in late as well. They'd get up and make breakfast after a long time spent cuddling with Cricket and whispering domestic little secrets to one another. Sometimes, Leon would turn on cartoons, and they'd snuggle up on the couch for the rest of the morning. 

That was what he was doing now, lounging around in nothing but a tank top and briefs while munching on some cocoa krispies. He was watching reruns of a cartoon from the late 90's, called _Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century_. It was campy and dated, but he was glued to it anyway.   
At least, he was until his phone began to go off, startling him.

"Hello?" He choked down the bit of cereal stuck in his throat, holding the device to his ear.

"Leon?"

"Chris?"

"Where's Toby?"

"What?" Leon frowned. "He's at work, he's working a couple hours of overtime today." He flinched, holding the phone away from his ear as Chris began to swear viciously. "What the fuck, man?"

"Get ready, I'm coming to get you."

"What's going on?"

"There was an attack," Chris said. "At the DSO head office. Airborne. I don't know much yet. I'm five minutes away, get ready and meet me outside." 

Leon sat up straight, swearing as he spilled his cereal.   
"Tell me everything." He tucked the phone against his shoulder, getting up to find pants.

"All I know is that it was pumped in through the vents. Security cameras are fine, and as far as the agents can tell, nothing has been taken from the facility. As soon as the virus was detected, the whole building went into lockdown. Unfortunately, not everyone made it out."

Leon froze, halfway into his shirt.  
"Toby?"

"I don't know, I didn't get names."

"And the infected?" His voice tightened. "What kind are they?"

"It looks like a devolved strain of the A-Virus. No major mutations that we know of. They've already sent a sample to Rebecca, and she's going to make up a cure." 

"Chris, I need to know who got out." Leon said, his voice wavering for a moment.

"I'll call ahead and tell them to make up a list." Chris promised. "And I'll specifically ask about Toby, okay? Are you ready? I'm almost here."

"Yeah." Leon shoved his feet into his boots. "Thanks."

"Mhm. Meet me outside."

When the line deadened, Leon stuffed his phone into his pocket. He grabbed his wallet, keys, and gun before turning off the TV and heading for the door. With one hand, he snagged his jacket off the coat rack, the other busy fighting with his keys.

"Shit." He grumbled, turning the lock until it clicked. A horn beeped behind him, and he turned, jumping over the porch steps and running across the front lawn. Idly, he reminded himself that he needed to mow the grass. 

"-I told you," Chris was speaking into his headset. "I need a compiled list of names of personnel that are accounted for. I'll be on site in ten minutes."

Leon rubbed his arm nervously, his anxiety spiking. He pulled out his phone as Chris drove, scrolling through contacts until he found Toby's number. The phone went straight to voicemail, and he felt genuine fear fester below his sternum as he listened to the pre-recorded message.

"Step on it, he's not answering." He begged. The SUV lurched forward as the tone beeped in his ear. "Toby? It's me." He said. "I'm really worried about you, please call me back and let me know you're okay. I- I love you." His voice wavered, and he hung up before it could worsen.

"We'll find him." Chris said quietly.

"I can't lose him again." 

"I know. We'll find him."

Finding him, as it turned out, was going to be an arduous process. By the time they got to the site, a hoard of hazmat operatives were hosing people down and separating them into small groups. Leon ran a hand through his hair, looking around wildly.

"Captain!" A soldier jogged over to them. He handed a clipboard to Chris, popping a snappy salute. "The names, sir, as you requested."

"Good work, Michaels." Chris said. He didn't flinch as Leon pulled the list from his hands. "What's the status on the response team?"

"They got grounded by bad weather, so they're driving instead. It'll be at least an hour before they get here, sir."

"An _hour?_ " Leon snapped. "Redfield, What the hell is-"

"Leon." Chris warned. "Stop it." He turned back to Michaels. "Rendezvous with the rest of your squad, make sure the perimeter is tight as it can be. I want to know if anyone comes out of the building, understand?"

"Yes, sir." Michaels gave another salute before jogging back towards his team.

"I'm not seeing him, Chris." Leon was beginning to panic, flipping through the sheets. "He's not on here."

"Let me look." Chris took the clipboard away from him, giving him a push towards a nearby tent. "That's the security booth, ask them what they know about how the attack was started. We have to figure out who did this and why." 

"Isn't it obvious? It's the DSO's head office-"

"Yes." Chris said. "And almost everyone here is inoculated against _every_ known viral strain. If I was planning a terrorist attack, I wouldn't strike here." 

"You're right." Leon stared over Chris' shoulder. "Someone was a target."

"Someone they knew was susceptible."

"Like… someone who's been asleep for the last seven years?" Leon felt his legs start to tremble. "Someone who has a weakened immune system and-"

"Leon!" Chris grabbed him by the shoulders. "We don't know that. It could have been any of the higher-ups, my briefing said they were here for a quarterly meeting to discuss layoffs. That's a huge target." 

"Okay. Okay." Leon rubbed his face, trying to hide the way his hands were shaking. "I just can't-"

"Sit around and wait, I know." Chris said gently. "Help me figure this out, the team will be here soon." He walked them over to the security booth, stepping inside. There were several monitors set up, showing the inside of the facility.

"Sir!" A man in fatigues sat up, giving a salute. "The attacker cut power to the building before they released the gas. We haven't found the dispersal point yet, but we're still working on it."

"They cut the power?" Leon asked. "Why?"

"It's possible that it was just to create panic."

"Or to help them blend in." Chris said. "Without light, it's almost impossible to run facial recognition on the security footage."

"Do we have eyes on anyone in the building?" Leon crossed his arms, trying to keep from fidgeting.

"Negative." The man shook his head. "I've got four people trapped in an elevator, and they seem to be doing okay. Other than that, I've only seen infected." 

"Show us." Chris said. He bent over the desk as the man pulled up a security feed. It showed a hallway, offices making up either side. While it was dark and the image quality was poor, it was still possible to make out slow, shambling forms bumping into the walls and aimlessly wandering.

"That's my office." Leon pointed. "The door's open." 

"Was it not-"

"Toby has the key." He blurted. "Chris, please don't make me wait." 

"You can't go in, it's not safe!" Chris insisted. "Leon, if I let you go in there and you get hurt or killed, what the _hell_ will I tell Toby, huh?" 

"That I went in after him. He'll understand."

"No! You two don't get to trade off sacrificing yourselves for each other!"

"But-"

"Leon." Chris grabbed his friend by the shoulders. "The team will be here soon, and they will go in, clear the infected, and find Toby."

"When?" Leon asked.

"ETA on the response team?" Chris called out.

"Forty-five minutes, sir, they've hit traffic." One of the men said.

"I'm not waiting." Leon said. "I can't." He pulled away, ducking out of the tent. Chris swore, chasing after him.

"Leon! Stop!"

"I can't." He hopped over the barricade, drawing his gun. "I have to find him." A few of the BSAA soldiers shouted at him, but he didn't listen, running down the promenade and into the front doors. Leon cussed when he realized just how dark it was. He felt up his pockets, sighing in relief when he found a flashlight tucked into his jacket. It clicked on, illuminating the foyer and the mess therein. Blood stained the floor in alarming quantities, and several bodies lay sprawled across the ground, stretched vainly towards the door. Leon tried not to think about how they were once his co-workers. They were too far gone to reanimate, so he moved past them, shining his light over the open bullpen just beyond the receptionist's desk. During all his years as a biohazard operative, he'd learned to hate silence. More than likely, that was why he talked so much. When things were quiet, it meant that trouble was brewing, sitting like a great white just beneath the surface. 

He was almost grateful when the silence was shattered by the sound of a heavy boot kicking open the front door. Spinning around, he saw Chris, rifle in hand, clearing the foyer.

"What are you doing?" Leon whispered aggressively.

"I'm not letting you do something this stupid by yourself." Chris hissed in response. He glanced around the bullpen. "This is gonna be a bitch, isn't it?" 

"Yeah. My plan was to head for my office first, then up to Toby's cubicle." Leon scanned the room again. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Yeah." Chris began to move forward, sweeping the barrel of his rifle back and forth across their path.

"I'm scared."

"I'd be more worried if you weren't."

"No, not like… normal scared." Leon sighed. "I'm so scared that I'll find him and- and he'll be-"

"Leon." Chris stopped. "You were saying the same thing when we found him in Arias' lab. It's going to be okay, but I need you to focus." 

"Damn it, you're r-"

"Shit!" Chris fired, the muzzle flash nearly blinding them both. A woman in a pantsuit slumped to the ground, staring at them with blank eyes. Her left arm was missing, and chunks had been torn from her neck. The bullet had pierced her brain and put an end to her post-mortem stroll, but not before she'd found someone else to snack on, as evident by the blood staining her mouth and chin. A cacophony of moans began to rise up from around them, awakened by the crackle of gunfire.

"Run!" Leon grabbed Chris' arm, dragging him towards the hall. He avoided the cafeteria, certain that it would only cause them trouble. Praying he wasn't making a mistake, he led them into the hallway. "Chokepoint!" He called. Spinning around, he fired into the small crowd of infected, helping Chris take them down.

"How far away is your office?" 

"A couple doors down."

Before they could move on, a shrill scream sounded from the other side of the building. It bounced and echoed of the office decor, making them tense up and drop into a fighting stance.

"That came from the west hall." Leon grit his teeth. "C'mon!" He jogged back towards the bullpen, sloppily clearing corners.

"Slow down!" Chris hissed. "We can't be clumsy about this." 

"I know that." 

"Then for Christ's sake-" He grabbed Leon's arm, stopping him from rounding the next corner. "Let me go first." Pushing forward, he glanced around the corner. Two bodies grappled on the floor, punctuated by the sound of muscle and skin tearing open.

"No!" Leon shoved past him, running towards the gruesome scene. 

"Leon!" Chris lunged to grab him, swearing when he was reminded of the term "cat-like grace". He watched the zombie's head snap to the side, it's brain destroyed by a bullet. Leon shoved it out of the way, shining his flashlight on the other guy and leaning in to look. As he did, its eyes popped open and it lunged, teeth aimed for his throat as it shoved him onto his back.

_Crack!_

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?" Chris demanded, lowering his gun. "I know you're scared, I know you're worried about Toby, but I need you to hold it together." 

"I'm sorry." Leon said, pushing to his feet with trembling hands.

"You gotta stop shaking, you're gonna psych yourself out." Chris said, lowering his voice. Leon glanced at him, looking like a scolded puppy as he hid beneath his bangs.

"I'm calm."

"We're gonna head back to your office. Follow me." 

Leon nodded obediently, and they took off, heading back into the bullpen. It was even quieter after the scuffle, and their footsteps were muffled by the carpet, as if the building was trying to swallow them whole. The east hallway was empty, though each office doorway had become a threat. Leon kept his back to Chris, gun at the ready. 

"Fourth down on the right." He said. 

"Got it."

They inched towards the door, relieved when nothing clawed its way out of the shadows.

"Tell me something." Leon begged, beginning to search the room. Chris quietly closed the door behind them, glancing around.

"If you were Toby, where would you go?" He asked.

"Fuck- not- anywhere but here." Leon muttered. He pulled open the top drawer of his desk. "Shit!"

"What?"

"My gun is missing." 

"Do you think Toby has it?"

"I hope so." Leon shut the drawer. "Cubicles upstairs… file room, cafeteria, lounge… where would he go?" 

"Wait, what about the people trapped in the elevator?" Chris asked. Leon looked up sharply.

"Yeah, yeah…" He nodded. "That's gotta be…" His hands tugged on his hair as he paced in circles. "What- we can't just let them out, they're probably safer inside-"

"Let's at least go check on them." Chris said. "We'll get a headcount, then keep searching for more survivors."

"Yeah, okay." 

"Listen, I know you're in protective boyfriend mode right now, but I really need you in agent mode." Chris stepped closer, forcing Leon to tilt his head up and make eye contact. "We are going to do everything we can for Toby, but he would want us to save the others, as well."

"I know." Leon visibly deflated, his shoulders sagging. "I'm trying, just-"

"I've got your back for as long as you've got mine. We'll find him." 

"Okay. Let's head to the elevator. If we stop by the cafeteria, we can bring them some water, I'm sure it's hot in there."

"Good call." Chris said. He followed Leon back down the hallway, periodically glancing behind them. There was no telling who or what they were up against, and little-to-no intel made it a suicide mission. If this was someone who truly wanted to cause panic and disruption, killing a top government operative and a BSAA captain would be the way to do it. They were fair targets, and they wouldn't forget it. Simmons and Wesker had illustrated that point perfectly.

Leon shuddered at the thought. He still heard Simmons screaming his name during his nightmares, the hate and murderous intent so blatant in how the infected man drew out the last syllable. Combined with the cruelty he'd shown during the N-Virus experimentation, it was no small wonder that Simmons had gone so far off the rails that he could justify killing thousands and thousands of people.

Could this be him? Was he back from the dead _again?_

"No." Leon whispered to himself. Simmons wouldn't have targeted the DSO main office unless he _knew_ that his most hated agent was there. Being turned into a BOW was Leon's greatest fear, and after someone blabbed about his psych eval a few years ago, everyone knew. Gossip spread like wildfire, especially in the government.

Oh.

"We should ask the survivors if anyone suspicious came in for a tour or anything else odd. Whoever did this had to have cased the building. Unless it was someone who works here, but we can check the security cameras for alibis." He said.

"Good idea." Chris rounded the corner, sweeping the inside of the cafeteria. "Looks clear, but stay on your toes."

"Always." Leon edged forward. "Damn near look like a flamingo at this point."

"What was that?" Chris whispered, unable to hear him clearly.

"Nothing… nothing. Just doing what I do best."

"Complaining?"

".... Making jokes, asshole."


	6. Zweisamkeit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zweisamkeit- togetherness, specifically referring to the feeling of intimacy between a romantic couple

"What the hell are all those muscles for if you can't even open an elevator?" Leon griped, watching Chris struggle to push the heavy doors open.

"Stop complaining. Get your twink ass over here and help me." The very annoyed BSAA captain hissed. 

"So you do look at my ass."

"Everyone does. I thought you knew." He grunted, pulling harder on the door. It wheeled open slowly, showing a foot or two of the elevator car.

"Hello?" Someone called out.

"This is Captain Chris Redfield of the BSAA. I've brought some water for you, can you identify yourself?"

"Agent Martin Jefferson." One man said. "I've got three others with me."

"We're looking for Agent Toby Cardoso." Leon cut in.

"I haven't seen him, sir." Agent Jefferson replied. He stuck his hand out of the elevator, taking the bottles Chris handed him. "I can tell you about the attack, though. It came in through the vents, but most of us weren't affected, y'know? I guess they were smart to give us all of those shots. I watched from the lounge while it happened. At first, the gas didn't do anything, and only a few people turned. We thought we could contain it, but if someone got bit, they'd turn almost instantly. By the time I got down the hall, there was already a swarm on the stairs, so I ran to the elevator. I'm just glad nothing followed me."

"Damn." Leon cussed, pacing in a tight circle.

"Did you see any other survivors?" Chris pressed.

"Sure, there were a lot of people still kicking before I ran. Don't know about now, though." 

"Alright. Thanks." He sighed. "It's almost a straight shot for the front door. If we help you out, do you think you can make it on your own?"

"I think so."

"Good." Chris set down his flashlight. "I'll help pull you out." 

Leon listened to them chatter, his brain running a mile a minute. What would happen if Toby was infected? Would he have to kill him? Was there a cure for this strain? Even if there was, would the infection kill him anyway? His immune system was so weak, it probably couldn't handle the stress.

"Stay sharp." Chris said. The survivors nodded in agreement and gave him their thanks before taking off down the hall. As they disappeared from sight, he reminded himself that the bullpen was only a few hundred feet from the exit, they'd be fine. He stood for a minute, watching Leon wear down a perfect ring in the carpeting. "Where's Toby's office?"

"Upstairs." Leon bit the cuticle on his thumb, chewing gently. "It sounds like it started down here."

"Yeah, as if it didn't come through the vents upstairs…" Chris caught up with him, grabbing his radio. "Security?" He called. "Witness reports say that the gas only came through vents on the first floor."

"Confirmed." The man they'd spoken to earlier was back. "The vents on the first floor are on a different timer. They circulate air in 30 minute shifts in order to save power."

"This is the first time budget cuts have ever saved someone's life." Leon snapped, stopping his pacing in order to stare down the empty hall.

"Focus." Chris encouraged. "That's not a lot of time, unless you know the schedule down to the minute."

"At most, half an hour to plant the device, arm it, and get out of the building unseen." Leon sighed. "It's still too easy. They could have killed everyone if they wanted to. Anthrax would've worked much better, especially if the intent was to kill."

"You make do with what you have."

"Is anthrax really more difficult to get than a goddamn zombie virus?" Leon asked.

"Yeah." Chris shook his head. "Kinda crazy." He moved towards the stairs. "Let's go check out Toby's office, maybe there's something there."

"And if there isn't?" Leon rubbed his face, heading towards the stairs.

"Then we keep looking. What's in the basement?"

"Firing range and the gym. It's closed on the weekends."

"That's where we'll go next." Chris peered around the corner of the stairwell. "Eyes up, I think I saw movement." 

"Copy." Leon followed him. "Toby's cubicle is on this side, north-east corner." He stayed quiet as they walked, moving along the half wall that separated the office space from the hallway. It broke near the middle, and they held their guns at the ready as they cleared the area. 

"Head left, I'll meet you on the other side." Chris told him. Leon nodded, shining his flashlight into each cubicle. He jumped when he saw one of the infected, gnawing on a severed arm. He fired without thinking, wincing at the loud noise. 

"Leon?" Chris called.

"I'm fine-" Leon spun, firing again at a zombie that had snuck up on him. "Damn it, should've been quieter." He berated himself. He jogged over to meet Chris, who was picking blood off the bayonet on his rifle.  
"Here." Leon sat down at Toby's desk, turning on the monitor. He began opening up different programs, searching for any clues. The screen illuminated the area, showing off a neat stack of files, some pens, and a framed picture of Toby and Leon. Chris picked it up, taking a closer look. 

"Nothing?" He asked.

"No." Leon sighed, running his hands through his hair. "C'mon…" He began opening drawers, looking through papers and knick-knacks. He paused suddenly, looking past his hands and to the floor. There was a light, blinking gently on the carpet. He reached for it, dread bubbling up when he realized he'd found Toby's cell phone. He hit the power button, his stomach doing an uncomfortable flip when he saw his voicemail message unopened. Breathing out sharply, he shoved the device into his pocket.

"He's not here. Let's go check out the basement." Chris said. He looked back at the picture. "You guys have a dog, right?"

"Yeah, Cricket." Leon froze for a moment. "She's… Toby's service animal, she wouldn't leave his side unless he needed help."

"And we haven't seen a dog anywhere."

"Which means-"

"Which means Toby is probably okay." Chris finished for him. He popped the picture out of its frame, handing it over. "C'mon, let's go find him."

They trekked backwards through the building, accompanied only by the noise of their own breathing. Leon tried not to let his thoughts run wild, worried that his fear would overwhelm him. He felt a sick bit of amusement at the thought of his last words to Toby being "hurry home, hot stuff". As far as goodbyes went, it wasn't bad, but he could've done better. He would've preferred something a little more romantic than a sloppy kiss and a teasing remark about his Batman-themed underwear.

"Firing range is first." He said. Chris led the way down the stairs, into a dark hallway. "Shit." Leon cussed. "This is gonna suck." 

"Yeah." Chris agreed. He stopped at the door to the weapons lock-up. "Ready?" 

"Yep." Leon turned the handle, kicking the door out of the way. He flinched when Chris immediately opened fire. "Fuck!" His ears rung, too close to the barrel of the rifle. Shaking his head to clear the pain, he moved in, eyes darting through pools of blood.

"None of them are Toby." Chris told him.

"What?" Leon pressed his palm to his ear.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Chris came over, grabbing his shoulder. "Stay here, I've got the range. Being in there will only make it worse."

"Fine." Leon nodded. He groaned softly, leaning against the counter. A second later, he flinched again when more gunfire sounded from the next room. Chris came stumbling out, slamming the door behind him.

"Holy fuck there's a lot of them in there." He cussed. "I didn't see Toby. I tried to look, but there's… swear to God there's at least thirty."

"Shit." Leon stared in disbelief as the door rattled, growls and snarls coming through the sturdy metal. "Let's get out of here." He turned, glancing left and right outside the lock-up before heading further down the hall. "I'll take the men's locker room." He said. After he received a nod of agreement, he shouldered the door open, sweeping his flashlight back and forth. There were two straggling zombies, fighting over a fresh meal. He fired twice, three times- wait. No. He'd only fired twice, had Chris-

_Bang! Bang Bang!_

No, there it was again, coming from the workout room. Leon ran, darting around the corners. He stepped over some fallen weights, glancing between the exercise equipment.

_Bang!_

For the briefest moment, the muzzle flash illuminated the back corner of the room. A group of survivors were huddled against the wall, trapped between the concrete and the pool. A massive horde was fighting for space to get to them, several infected falling into the water. Leon ran towards them, shining his flashlight at the front of the pack so the shooter could see where they were aiming. Between the gunshots, another noise began to emerge. It took a moment to register, his ears still sensitive from a few moments ago, but it was definitely barking. Cricket's barking. 

His body screamed for him to call out to Toby, but he stamped that feeling down. He knew better. If it truly was his boyfriend making those headshots, he'd only end up distracting him. He hoped it was, that sort of accuracy was incredibly hot.

"Look out!" 

Leon cussed as Chris barreled into him, knocking them both to the ground. His gun and flashlight went flying, scattering across the ground.

"What the he-" He covered his ears at the sound of more gunfire. 

"I've got you, go!" Chris shouted. He was fending off more infected, streaming in through the locker rooms. "The door to the range must have broken! Go!" With his foot, he nudged Leon towards the survivors. His rifle was better equipped for crowd control, tearing through heads and necks with minimal effort. The undead kept coming, all of them grotesque and mangled, their bodies piling up and leaving mounds of open skin and festering wounds. 

Leon found his gun, getting to his feet with some difficulty. He began picking off stragglers, trying to help the survivors. The ringing in his ears died away as he got closer.

_Click!_

"Shit!"

That was definitely Toby's voice. Leon began firing faster, getting a little sloppier with his aim. He heard a scuffle, and a woman scream. Turning his flashlight, he watched in horror as a huge zombie wrestled with Toby, jaws snapping at his neck. Their feet were dangerously close to the pool's edge, and Leon felt his stomach drop as he watched things begin to move in slow motion.

Toby slammed the butt of the gun into the thing's head, attempting to shake it off. The zombie roared, and tried to bite, lunging at him with all its strength. As if they were in a movie, Toby's feet slid on the drains around the pool, upsetting his balance. Leon began to yell out, his eyes going wide. Once they hit the water, it became a mess. Blood stained the area, billowing out in pale pink clouds. Toby was lost in the chaos, hidden from sight and sinking into the deep end. He hadn't been trained to swim with his prosthetics yet, effectively turning them into dead weight. 

"No!" Leon yelled. He shoved a zombie out of the way, scrambling to the poolside. Cricket was there, barking and yipping at the water. She rubbed up against Leon eagerly, whimpering. "I know, baby, I know." He told her, rubbing her head. "C'mon, Toby." He stared into the dark mess of the pool, unable to see where the commotion was.

"Fuck!" 

"Toby?" He turned to his right, shining his flashlight down the length of the pool. Toby was pulling himself up onto the concrete, choking up mouthfuls of water. He spat and gagged, falling limp as soon as he was out of danger.

"Leon?" His voice was rough.

"It's okay, I gotcha." Leon told him. He set down his gun in order to pull Toby close against his chest. "You're freezing, hang on." Shrugging out of his jacket, he wrapped it around shaking shoulders.

"Swimming… not as fun as it used to be." Toby said idly. He flinched when Leon kissed his forehead. Cricket added to the pile, shoving her way between them so she could be held.

"You're never working overtime again."

"I'm inclined to agree with you." He groaned. Cricket whined, shoving her nose against Toby's chest. "I know, little lady. I told you he'd come."

"I think that's most of them." Chris came over, kneeling down to check on them. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Busted my leg, though." Toby pointed to his prosthetic, where plastic and metal stuck out at an odd angle. "Go check on them." He nodded to the other survivors.

"Sure thing." Chris patted Toby's shoulder before getting up to talk to the others.

"Can you walk?" Leon asked. He fussed with the broken bits, attempting to MacGyver them back together. The plastic refused to cooperate, and he pouted at it. 

"I doubt it. Help me up." Toby said. He grunted when he finally got his feet beneath him. "Shit, that's-" His gaze landed on the survivors, huddled around Chris. One of them was wearing a hoodie that partially obscured her face. She had blond hair and wicked red lipstick, the color bright as blood against her pale skin.  
"What-" Toby stared, his brain struggling to catch up. He'd seen her before. A memory hit him like a ton of bricks, smashing through his consciousness. Being strapped down to a table, pain coursing through his body, voices, beeping, too much noise all around him. Arias, speaking to a woman- that woman. Maria.

"So, if you'll all come with me, we're going to try and get you to safety." Chris said.

"No!" Toby pointed, panic setting in when he realized he didn't have a weapon. Maria pulled a modified injector from her pocket, aiming it at Leon's head. She fired it with a wicked sneer, the tiny syringe shooting through the air. It spun towards them at an alarming speed, just as deadly as a bullet. Toby moved quickly, holding his arm out as a shield.

"Shit!" Chris cussed, opening fire as she rounded on him. He lowered his rifle, looking over Maria's corpse. "What the hell was that?" 

"Oh my god!" Leon ran his hands over his stomach and chest. "Did she- did she miss?"

"No." Toby held up his prosthetic arm, where the syringe was embedded in carbon fiber wiring. "That's gonna be expensive." He said. 

"Would you quit breaking shit?" Leon complained. He grabbed scruffy cheeks, stealing a kiss. "And stop being so heroic, it's making me all hot and bothered."

"Too much information." Chris said. He led the survivors past them, heading towards the locker room. "When you two are done, it's time to go."

"Yeah, yeah-" Leon brushed him off. He looped Toby's arm around his shoulders, helping him stumble away from the scene. "I was worried sick about you." He admitted. "And I was right to be. Seeing her-" He gestured backwards towards Maria. "-just confirms my theory. She was trying to target you because of your immune system."

"She was trying to get back at you, sugar." Toby corrected. "You destroyed her closest friend and killed her father. She knew that the best way to make you pay was to go after me. But," he paused. "She only had access to inferior prototypes, so the attack wasn't very effective. She also didn't account for my previous A-Virus infection making me resistant to similar strains."

"How long did it take you to figure that out?" Leon asked.

"I had a hunch that it was an offshoot of the A-Virus, but when I saw Maria's face, it all clicked." 

"Her face?"

"I remember her." Toby said. "I remember seeing her standing above me, messing with the wires and the drugs."

"Oh." Leon guided him through the locker room. "What happened? To everyone else, I mean."

"The gas only turned a couple people, but if you got bit, the effects were almost immediate. I think it's an unstable strain, sometimes the infected would deteriorate on their own and keel over." Toby explained. "She was desperate. This wasn't planned out very well."

"Thank god for that." 

Gunfire made them freeze up. 

"Get back!" Chris yelled. Leon looked towards the noise, his eyes wide.

"Go help him." Toby said, grabbing onto the wall. "I'll be fine, go!" He helped corral the survivors, keeping them away from the small horde that had descended the stairs. "Stay behind me!" He told them. "We're gonna be fine."

"He's quite the optimist." Chris commented. He fired another round, cussing when the corpse lurched out of the way. 

"You get used to it." Leon said. He reloaded his pistol, helping clear out the last few stragglers. "I'm gonna need help getting him up the stairs." 

"We'll have to go first." 

"I know." When the last corpse fell, Leon came back over to Toby, loosely explaining the plan. "We're gonna have to carry you." 

"Great." Toby sighed. He let them manhandle him, listening to them bicker about how best to carry him before one of the survivors finally snapped.

"Holy fuck!" She said. "I thought you were professionals! You." She pointed at Chris. "Just carry him on your back. Problem solved." 

"She's right." Toby said. "C'mon, you can fight later, we need to get them out of here." He grunted when Chris hefted him over his shoulder, rolling his eyes as the abruptness. The steps jostled him, and he grabbed onto whatever bits of tactical vest he could fit his fingers around.

"Cute." Leon teased. He suppressed a too-wide smile when Toby huffed at him. 

"Cricket's with you, right?" 

"She's right here." Leon stepped aside, the pup bounding up the stairs behind him. He patted her head when they reached the top, cooing at her.

"Take your boyfriend." Chris told him, setting Toby down gently. He stepped away from them in order to herd the other agents towards the front doors.

"Hey, handsome." Leon teased, settling their arms together so they could continue hobbling to safety. "Are you from around here?"

"No hablo inglés." Toby sassed. He jumped when Leon pinched him, a smile creeping into his face. "When I get out of quarantine," he said. "I'm taking you on the cheesiest, most over-the-top date you've ever been on."

"Oh?"

"I spent a lot of today praying to whomever would listen, asking to see you one last time." He admitted. "It reminded me of how I can't take our time together for granted. I owe you that." 

"You're gonna make me blush." Leon said. He kissed Toby's cheek. "I'd like that a lot. You're very special to me, Tobias."

"God, I hate it when you call me that." 

"That's why I do it." 

The walk through the bullpen was pleasantly peaceful. Nothing jumped out at them or caused an uproar, the silence less harrowing than it had been earlier. Leon treasured the walk, savoring the closeness and the dependency, his heart full of warmth after being reunited with his… lover. He didn't dare refer to Toby as his soulmate. That was a little too much vulnerability for him. The thought was there, however, and he tried not to blush at the implied intimacy. 

As they exited the building, the sun beating down on them, he felt the warmth fester and grow, lighting up his whole chest. He'd never found love convenient, and maybe that was where he'd gone wrong. Love was never convenient, it was difficult at best and debilitating at worst. It could cripple you in one blow and send you spiraling without hope. It was also the best thing that had ever happened to him. Sure, if he'd never met Toby, he would never have spent seven years in mourning for a man he barely knew, but he also would've missed out on all the good days- on the singing, the laughing and dancing, the intimacy of sharing a bed- everything. The nights they'd spent bundled up in the comforter, giggling about nothing and basking in each other's presence. That was love. 

They still had time to flourish. They still had time for love.


	7. Gemütlichkeit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gemütlichkeit- coziness, contentment, warmth

"Good morning, sugar."

"Mm!" Leon shoved his face deeper into the pillow, exhausted. His flight had landed at 1 am that morning, and it had taken another hour for him to get home. His whole body felt stiff and sore, a casualty of spending his days running from monsters. 

"C'mon, I made you breakfast." Toby tried again, eventually rousing him. "I know you're tired, babydoll, but your stomach was rumbling in your sleep."

"Carry me." Leon mumbled. He felt the blanket slide down his body, smiling to himself when Toby made an amused noise at his state of undress.

"That's a view I never get tired of." 

"Mm." Leon arched his back, pushing his ass in the air. "Was too sleepy for clothes."

"Well, put _something_ on, and then come eat." Toby leaned over, kissing the space between Leon's shoulder blades. "I'll keep your coffee warm."

"Mm… coffee?" He squirmed, moving towards the edge of the bed. Toby didn't stick around to watch, claiming that while he would love to, he needed to tend to the food. Leon stumbled over to their dresser, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He found some boxers and one of Toby's shirts, pulling them on with the grace of a bird missing one of its wings. Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he walked down the hall to the kitchen, sitting on a bar stool and promptly laying his head on the counter. Cricket wandered over to nudge him, worried about how sluggish he was. She only let up when he reached down to scratch behind her ears.

"Here." Toby set down a mug with the words "show me your kitties" on it. "I added a little bit of that creamer that you like." 

"Mm." Leon slowly sat up, leaning forward to take a sip. "...'s good." He mumbled.

"When was the last time you slept?" Toby asked. He came around the counter, using his fingers to smooth down unruly bangs and cowlicks.

"Three days ago." 

"You work too hard."

"Mhm." Leon agreed. He sighed happily when Toby kissed his cheek. "Missed you." 

"I missed you too." Toby brought over a plate loaded with french toast, eggs, sausage, and ham. "I know you're starving, eat up."

"You spoil me." Leon stuck a sausage in his mouth, already beginning to wake up. "What time is it?"

"Almost noon." 

"You don't have to work?" He asked. "Cause if not, that's great, I have plenty of ideas to keep us busy, but-"

"It's Saturday, sugar." 

"Oh. Perfect." Leon took another bite. "I was just thinking about how our bed is still kinda lumpy, like maybe it needs someone to uh… break it in?" 

"You can just tell me that you want to have sex, you know." Toby laughed, scratching his chin. "Which, I'm up for, but I want to sit outside for a while, it's a nice day." 

"Working on getting your tan back?" 

"Yeah." He took a sip from his own mug. "You wouldn't find me nearly as adorable if I looked anemic." 

"Heh." Leon looked him up and down, trying to picture it. He lingered a little too long, staring at a strip of skin between Toby's shirt and waistband.

"Eyes up here, sugar." 

"Mm." He hid his smile in his coffee. "I'm gonna mow the lawn today."

"What, didn't work hard enough at the office?" Toby teased. He set his own mug down, walking over to stand behind Leon and knead his shoulders.

"Oh, that feels good." Leon tilted his head back, enjoying the touch. "You've gotten really good at controlling the grip on that thing." 

"Oh, come on, I only pinched you once. And you say it hurt, but you moaned when I did it."

"I'm a masochist, you know this." Leon took another sip of coffee. "If it hadn't been mid-fuck, I probably would've kneed you in the stomach. I had a bruise for a week."

"You are _such_ a baby." Toby leaned in, pressing kisses to Leon's cheek. He laughed when he was pushed playfully away. "Eat your breakfast, I'll see you outside."

"Get out of here, stumpy." Leon teased, pretending to wipe the kiss marks away. He finished up the rest of his food in record time, excited for a chance to be domestic for a while. It was so much better with Toby around, so much more natural to grill hamburgers and drink beer out on the patio. He didn't feel stuck any longer, things felt different- it didn't feel like going in circles.  
He rinsed his plate in the sink before taking his last sip of coffee. Sometimes, his newfound homelife still felt unreal. Heading into the bedroom, he found some jeans and one of his own shirts to wear. After all, Toby's clothes were only good for curling up in if they were clean. 

As he stepped out onto the patio, he did a double take. Toby was stretched out on one of their chairs, reading a book while wearing gym shorts that barely covered the tops of his thighs. Cricket was stretched out in the sun beside him, enjoying the warmth.

"You've gotta warn me the next time you wear those shorts, I nearly tripped over my own jaw." Leon said. 

"Down, boy." Toby gave him a satisfied smile, watching him descend the steps and head over to the little shed in their garden. It was a struggle to get their lawnmower going, and there was only a fifty-fifty chance that the thing actually had gas in it, but it worked. Leon yanked on the cord, grinning when the engine started in one go. 

Toby turned the page of his book, glancing over the top edge to watch his boyfriend push the mower back and forth across the grass. It was probably too hot to be working, evident by the sweat that had begun to soak through white cotton. Pushing his sunglasses onto the crown of his head, Toby got up, grabbing the hose from beside the deck and spraying an arc of water at Leon. He laughed when Cricket got up and yipped, chasing the spray.

"Hey!" He called out, over the noise of the engine. "Wet t-shirt contest!" 

Leon yelped when his back was sprayed, not expecting the sudden cold. He turned off the mower and dove away, trying to hide behind a tree. Cricket came barreling over to him, assuming they were playing hide and seek. She tried to nudge him out into the open with limited success.  
"No!" He peered around the trunk, jerking back when the spray came an inch from his nose. "I don't want to get these pants wet."

"Fine, but you owe me." Toby said, cocking his hip as he waited for his cowardly lion to emerge from the underbrush. Abruptly, his phone started to ring, making him drop the hose. Holding the device up to his ear, he put on his professional voice. "This is Agent Cardoso." 

"C'mon." Leon complained, scooping up Cricket and coming over. "They can't take you now, I have you booked for the next forty years."

"Yes, ma'am." Toby spoke into the receiver, ignoring his pouting boyfriend. "Yes, we're available. That's alright, ma'am, it's an honor. Seven, understood. Yes, ma'am. Goodbye." 

"You're not going." Leon said immediately, setting the dog down. He was prepared for a fight.

"No, I'm not." Toby smiled. " _We're_ going."

"What?"

"That was President Winters. They're having a donor's banquet tonight, and they want us to attend so they can give me an award. I guess the reports from last month's incident made it all the way to the top and they were impressed."

"Good." Leon stepped closer. "They should be, you organized and protected almost twenty people for two hours while fighting off zombies, despite having no power and no light. That's incredible, Tobes. People usually don't survive like that. I'm glad they're giving you the recognition you deserve."

"Well, I wouldn't be here to accept it if someone hadn't been too stubborn to wait for the response team." Toby cracked a smile. He pulled Leon in for a kiss. "If things were different… we'd make a pretty good team, you and I." 

"Yeah. I kinda… think we do now, y'know?" 

"I think so too." He hesitated for a moment. "On that note, if I ask you to marry me, will you say yes?" 

Leon's eyes went wide for a moment. He wrapped both arms around Toby's neck in order to kiss him, going up on his tip-toes for some extra height.

"Fuck yeah, I will." He gasped out, already leaning in again for more affection. "I love you so much."

"I know you do, sugar." Toby knocked their foreheads together. "I love you too. Come sit with me, and we'll talk about it."

"But the grass-"

"Later." 

They retreated to the patio, curling up in one of the lawn chairs. Leon sat with his back to Toby's chest, his mind already racing at the idea of their wedding. 

"Chris and Claire have to be there."

"At the wedding? Of course." 

"And I get to pick out the suits."

"You're not gonna wear a dress for me?" Toby asked. He chuckled when he received a half-hearted glare. "Maybe just on the honeymoon, then."

"If you behave, I'll wear whatever you want." Leon bargained. He shifted on the chair, turning sideways and tucking his legs up so he could comfortably wrap his arms around Toby's shoulders. "I don't want a huge church thing. What if we have a little ceremony down at the docks?"

"That sounds nice."

"Maybe with some music, so we can dance together. And some food and alcohol."

"Sugar, as long as it's with you, anything will make me happy. Go nuts." Toby said. He used his plastic arm to drag Leon closer to him. "As long as it ends with this-" his fingers tapped against soft cotton, just above Leon's heart. "-belonging to me." 

"Tobes, my pecs already- Ah!" Leon yelled out loud when Toby threatened to push him off of the chair. "My heart! My heart already belongs to you!" He laughed, struggling to climb more securely onto the furniture. Cricket barked at them, alarmed by the noise and movement. Leon pet her head gently in reassurance as he was hoisted backwards onto the chair. At first, the kiss he dragged them into was meant only as a distraction, but Toby's hands snuck under the hem of his shirt and brushed against warm skin, drawing him in closer.  
"I think we should take this inside." Leon whispered. He helped Toby up before guiding them back through the house and to their bedroom, kept cool by a box fan. When he began to strip, he shivered, his skin tightening up reflexively. Toby seemed to notice, lowering his head to cover the goosebumps with gentle kisses and follow soft skin until he met the vulnerable curve of his lover's throat. 

"I suppose I shouldn't cover you in hickies right before an important PR event." He murmured, unashamedly nipping at the spots that he knew made Leon's knees weak. 

"Uh-uh." Was all the response he got. 

"At least, not on your neck." Toby amended. He moved them onto the bed, hooking long legs over his shoulders and immediately attacking Leon's thighs. His teeth grazed skin, eliciting a moan and encouraging his lover to grab handfuls of his hair. The pull on his scalp only spurred him on, purple marks welling up as he moved to new territory. He kissed bitten skin in apology, hooking his hands around Leon's hips and dragging him back when he tried to squirm away.

"C'mere, sugar, let me show you how fucking gorgeous you are." 

"Ah!" Leon shivered. "I'm sweaty, I don't think you want to- oh-" He trailed off into a whimper when a clever tongue teased the length of his cock. There was a quick detour to bite another- harder- hickey into his left thigh, but that sinful mouth returned to kiss and lap at his glans. His hips arched and bucked, overstimulated by the warmth and the teasing texture. On impulse, his legs tightened around Toby's head, trapping him in place.

"I should've done this sooner." Toby quipped. He finally, _finally_ took Leon's cock in his mouth, letting it slide down his throat. With a quirk of his eyebrow, he grunted at the sudden, sharp tug on his hair. Glancing up, he was satisfied by how disheveled Leon looked. Head thrown back, hair sticking to his cheeks, mouth stuck in an "o" shape… beautiful. He bobbed his head as much as the legs around him allowed, closing his eyes to focus on suppressing his gag reflex. 

"Shit-" Leon whined, his grip faltering for a minute. He forced himself to relax, hooking his ankles together. "Here. Fuck-" He groped for the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube. Blindly, he pushed it into Toby's hand, too focused on the warm, wet suction to coordinate his movements. He rocked his hips gently, moaning out loud. Blowjobs had always been his weakness- the mess, the noises, everything about it made his blood run hot. With Toby at the helm, easing two fingers into his ass, it was even better. 

"Oh!" Leon went rigid when his prostate was teased, pushing his hips up. Toby gagged a little, but regained his composure, flicking his tongue as a sign that he was alright. He did something devilish in retaliation, curling and sucking just as he quirked his fingers, and Leon nearly screamed. The sound came out as a strangled groan, and Cricket hopped up on the bed, concerned. She nosed Leon's chest, making him jump and laugh at the cold.

"Hey, hey!" Toby was laughing too, pulling away to shoo her down. "C'mon, little lady, you don't want to see this." 

"That's right." Leon ran a hand down his stomach, wrapping it around his cock and tugging gently. "I'm gonna do bad things to your papa, and I don't want you staring at me the whole time."

Cricket whined when Toby closed the door on her, and they heard a huff before she laid down on the hardwood. 

"Now, get over here." Leon crooked his fingers in a "come hither" motion. He tutted gently when Toby tried to climb on top of him. "Sit against the headboard." He instructed. 

"I'm surprised that you have the energy for this. You were exhausted when I woke you up." Toby stretched out his legs, his hands magnetizing to love-bitten thighs when Leon straddled his lap.

"I'm never too tired to ride you." Leon winked.

"Oh, that's not true." Toby teased. "Pillow princess." He shut his mouth when long fingers wrapped around his dick, coating it in lube. 

"Maybe." Leon whispered in his ear, lining himself up. He moaned at the stretch, sinking down steadily. "But you don't mind. You like fucking me into the mattress." 

"It has its perks." Toby whispered back. He hissed softly when Leon began to move, rocking back and forth steadily. Plastic fingers dug into his lover's thigh, enjoying the squish of built-up muscle. His other hand wandered, touching soft skin and tracing faint scars. "God, you're perfect." He pulled Leon into a searing kiss, groaning when the rhythm of their hips only sped up. It was far too easy to lose himself in the glide of their bodies, far too easy to hand himself over to the whims of the vixen moaning into his mouth. 

"Careful," Leon panted, breaking them apart in order to breathe. He moved one of his hands from the headboard to Toby's face, tilting his head up. "You'll give me a complex." His thumb traced soft lips, always teasing, even though he already had what he wanted. He upped the ante one last time, pulling Toby against his chest in order to wrap his arms around broad shoulders and dig his nails into warm skin. He knew the scratching drove his lover wild, the sting and the feral, uncontrollable _need_ behind it were overpowering in the best way. 

"If you don't stop pushing all my buttons, I'm gonna fuck you until you can't walk." Toby growled, grabbing a handful of ass and _biting_ down on Leon's left pec. The loud cry he got in response was better than music.

"Oh, fuck- fuck yeah!" Leon grabbed at his hair, arching his back at the scrape of teeth on his chest. He let Toby coax him backwards, sprawling out on the sheets. At that angle, the pressure on his prostate made his eyes roll back in his head. "Harder." He begged. "Toby- harder!" He pushed back against each thrust, his hands scrambling for purchase before digging into the furrows left by his nails and hoping it would be enough. 

"Shit, you're gonna have to put neosporin on those." Toby hissed. He canted his hips forward sharply, using his prosthetic to steady himself. "C'mon, sugar." He reached between them, wrapping his hand around Leon's cock. "Cum for me." 

"Fuck-" Leon choked out, writhing beneath him. He let out a quiet gasp, burying his face in Toby's neck to muffle the noise. His own cum wet his stomach, and he shuddered at the thought of how whorish he must look. Going limp, he savored the feeling of his lover thrusting gently into his body, chasing the high. Toby barely made a noise when he orgasmed, grinding their hips together. They didn't make an effort to move, breathing against each other's sweat-slicked skin. 

"I'm gonna marry the fuck out of you." Toby whispered. Leon laughed, kissing him sloppily. He dragged their tongues together, indulging himself. Already out of breath, he couldn't stay long to explore, pulling away with a wet noise. 

"I used to…" He groaned softly as they rearranged themselves, making a face as cum leaked down his thighs. "I used to dream about you, did I ever tell you that?" 

"No. What kind of dreams?" Toby asked.

"All kinds."

"Mostly good ones, I hope." 

"Sometimes." Leon paused. His head was pressed to Toby's chest, listening for his heart. It pumped steadily, though it seemed a little fast, no doubt because of their play. If he concentrated hard enough, he could almost trick himself into hearing an irregularity, a misstep. The doctor had assured them that the little hiccup was almost undetectable, but Leon liked to try. He would fall asleep there if he sat for too long. 

"Only sometimes?"

Oh, he was definitely going to sleep now.  
Toby's fingers brushed away his bangs, coming back to comb out the little tuft behind his ear. 

"Sometimes, I'd dream about… about you dying." He said. "But sometimes they were good dreams, like one I had where you were dancing with me. That was my favorite." His voice began to get softer as he drifted off, sighing when Toby kissed his forehead. The exertion and sleep deprivation caught up with him, and he was out within a few minutes, snoring quietly.

"Adorable." Toby laughed to himself before grabbing a book from beside the bed.

* * *

"Can we go home yet?" Toby complained, straightening his tie for the millionth time.

"Baby, they haven't even started the awards ceremony." Leon said. He leaned in close, tilting their heads together. "Play nice and I'll give you road head on the way home."

"Ladies and gentlemen," President Winters spoke into the mic, dressed in a sharp pantsuit. "We are all here tonight to honor the achievements of several agents who have shown great distinction in their fields while honoring and upholding the values of the Department of Security Operations and the United States of America. These men and women have proven that courage and valor are not just words said in speeches. Their actions have led the members of the board to award them each with titles commemorating their bravery and sacrifice in service to our country. To the recipients, when I say your name, please come up on stage." She paused, and several board members began to form a line beside her.

"Go up near the stairs." Leon nudged Toby. "I'll be right here the whole time, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Toby grumbled, heading towards the front of the room. He hated being the center of attention, hated public speaking, ceremonies, everything. This was his personal hell. He half-listened as President Winters awarded a few of his co-workers for helping keep order after the bioterror attack started. It seemed like an hour passed before his name was called.

"And finally, Agent Tobias Cardoso, who is receiving the highest civilian award for valor present by the Department of Defense." She waited until he came up to her before taking the medal out of its box. "Agent Cardoso, the DSO and the DOD thank you for your outstanding service. I hereby present you with the Office of the Secretary of the Defense Medal for Valor." She turned back to the crowd as he shook hands with the other officials. "Agent Cardoso risked his own life in the defense of others, and was able to preserve the lives of twenty other DSO employees, holding enemies at bay for over two hours despite having limited resources." President Winters turned to look at Toby, the slightest smile on her face. "Agent, may your heroism and courage be a beacon in these uncertain times."

"Thank you, Ma'am." Toby inclined his head. He descended the steps, barely listening to the rest of President Winters' speech as he made his way back to Leon. His boyfriend was rooted just where he'd left him, trying to pretend that he wasn't wiping his eyes.

"Were you-" 

"I wasn't crying." Leon said immediately. "Shut up."

"C'mere." Toby pulled him close, kissing the top of his head. "Because you were happy, or because you were scared?"

"Scared." Leon whispered. "I keep thinking about that day, and the amount of times I almost lost it. I was terrified that I was going to round a corner and find you ripped to shreds. I was so scared. They didn't give you nearly enough credit up there, "limited resources" doesn't really do the shitshow justice."

"Yeah, well… at least I got something shiny out of it." Toby gently touched the medal pinned to his suit jacket. Leon followed him, trailing his fingers over the engraving. 

"I didn't think it was possible for you to get more handsome, but…" he took a step back, looking Toby up and down. "Yeah… that's hot." 

"What's hot?" President Winters appeared behind Leon, making him jump.

"Uh, I was just- uh-"

"Agent Kennedy found the cocktail sauce to be a little too spicy for his taste." Toby swooped in. "Perhaps they added too much horseradish."

"I had the same thought." Winters said. She looked between them, almost knowingly. "Thank you again for coming. I know it was incredibly last minute, but the DOD didn't approve the awards until this morning."

"Like I said on the phone, it's an honor, Ma'am." Toby said. He managed to hide his smile when Leon began to cling to his sleeve like a scared toddler.

"Agent Kennedy, I assume you're taking good care of our hero?" Winters asked, turning her gaze towards the cowering BOW hunter. 

"Yes, ma'am." Leon nodded. 

"Make sure you send me an invitation."

"Pardon?" Toby asked.

"To the wedding." Winters clarified. She turned her head briefly. "Excuse me. Goodnight, gentlemen."

"Okay, how the f-"

"No." Toby covered Leon's mouth with his hand. "No cursing at the rich person party. She has her ways. Honestly, she probably knew I was going to propose before I did."

"Mm." Leon made a cranky noise. He glanced around the room. "I think we can leave now."

"I'd like that." 

"Wanna get McDonald's and cuddle naked on the couch?" Leon offered, taking Toby's arm as they walked towards the valet. 

"Sounds like a plan, sugar." 

They finally had time, and they weren't going to waste it. They'd been apart for too long, and nothing could mend that painful gap. Nothing except for new memories, of love and intimacy. They were free to set their reservations aside, truly and fully _loving_ each other with all the passion their bodies could handle. Gone were the days of worrying about being too clingy or too lovey-dovey. Their happiness was paramount, and if exchanging cheesy pick-up lines while feeding each other french fries was what made them smile, then so be it.

Love can make you do crazy things, and perhaps no one knew that better than them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my work + loving Toby as much as I do :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving this AU a chance!
> 
> Twitter: @pointofdespair


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